I'm A Loser

Chapter 73.

"He just needs time to cool off Molly. I mean you left the bloke without a solid goodbye! Of course he's goin to be more than bloody angry!"

I ran a hand through my hair as we walked along the sidewalk down a row of shops.

"I just didn't know what to say John. I've hurt him enough with the mind games I play with him. I mean I tell him I love him and then I go home to make love to Stu. I kiss him just to tell him it'd never work. I fuckin give him false hope I just...I don't see how he still carries on trying."

John sighed. "He's in love with you. Simple as that. But you cannot keep leadin him on. Its not healthy! I love me mates Molly. I'll do all I can to protect them. Stuart is me best mate and when I see you givin George those eyes it drives me mad. I didn't want George to know about the little one because I knew this would happen. Im thinkin of both of em here."

"I don't want to start anything John. ive fucked up I know but, I don't regret that little boy. Hes my whole world along with Stu. I just wish that was enough to convince the world...myself that, that's all I need."

By now we stopped infront of my home. John looked down at me and brought my chin up to meet his eyes. I looked away.

"I hate how handsome you are." I muttered. He laughed and looked around.

"I love you Molly. I care about you. I mean youre me mates girl for fucks sake. Its never been a mystery as to why Ive wanted ye but....I've moved on. I want you and Stu to make it. Please don't break his heart."

"But George...."

"George is a big boy now. Were headed to Hamburg again in a few months and....I'd like it if you two came for a visit. We'd could use some familiar faces in the crowd again."

I smiled. "Thanks John. It seems the word familiar has arose more than once lately. I think its something we all need right now."

"I think so too." He sighed. "I better be off. Were 'avin a meetin down at the Cavern for our Hamburg arrangements and to make sure we don't get bloody thrown out again. If George doesn't show....I'll be back to give you a bollocking."

I laughed and nodded. "I'll be waiting."

He leaned down and kissed my cheek. "Until next time. Tell the little lad uncle John will buy 'im a fuckin car when I get famous."

"I will." I laughed. "See you around."

"Bye Moll." He waved.

And with that we parted ways.
....

After this afternoon I felt the need to just stay home and watch after Anna while Sarah left off to work. We had cereal, watched television and had a nap on the sofa. It wasn't until I felt a hand on my shoulder I awoke to see it was six-thirty.

"Wakey wakey." Sarah giggled as Anna rubbed her eyes. I groaned and sat up, fixing her hair.

"Is Stu home yet?" I asked mid yawn.

"It doesn't seem so. Your father is still off with him as well. Looks like some male bonding going on." She smiled.

"Well some girl bondings been going on here." I kissed Anna's cheek. She giggled and grabbed her doll that was on the sofa and headed for the television.

"How are you Moll? Things lookin good since you've been back?" She sat with me. I shrugged.

"Somewhat." I stayed silent. She fixed my hair.

"What's goin on?"

"I wanted this to be a fun trip and all its been is heartbreaking and full of seriousness."

"Liam?"

I nodded. "I told George. He seemed...hurt. I don't know what to do I just feel so lost. He means a lot to me and if he can't accept it or won't..."

"Molly you're thinking too much of this. George will come around he just needs some space. He's a young man who just found out the girl he's had a crush on for years is all grown up. Things will get better Molly. Things heal over time just, stop trying to rush it."

"You're right. I should just focus on my own family right now. Maybe I should get in contact with Tiffany again? I haven't heard or seen her in such a long time. We could catch up, talk, she can meet little Liam and...."

"Molly..."

"Does she still live here or is she in the states with her mom?? I know she would go over to visit..."

"Molly hun." Sarah rested her hand on mine. I looked at her as she sighed.

"Tiffany passed away."

I sat still, just looking at her. My body felt immensely cold. Every thought in my mind just turned into nothingness.

"Wha..what?" I laughed nervously. "No she....she was better. It wasn't that serious she was okay. This is just a joke she's not...gone." I felt my breath quicken as my mind went crazy. "She's not gone. I didn't even say goodbye..." I felt tears building up. "When did it happen!?"

"About three months ago. Everyone was there but, she mentioned your name before she finally passed. She was very ill..."

"Why didn't anyone tell me!?" I cried. "This is so...unfair."

"Molly we couldn't get a hold of you it was too much..."

"My friend was dying and nobody could even make an effort!" I stood up. Sarah followed and pulled me into her arms as I cried. She rubbed my back as I held onto her. My stomach hurt the more I cried. My eyes burned. My nose stuffed. My voice at a loss.

"Shhh Molly. It's all part of life."

"Why does it have to be so cruel??" I cried. "It's not fair. It's like mom all over again!"

Sarah just held me as I let it all go. Anna watching with worry as I cried harder and harder. The sound of the front door opening and closing made me calm down a bit. Stuart walked in with a cheery Liam who was making mumbling grunts and reaching into the air. Stu paused when he saw me.

"Molly what's wrong??"

I pulled away from Sarah and shook my head. "How's your father?"

"He's fine. Had a good time meetin yours and meetin his new grandson. Molly..."

I walked over and pulled Liam in my arms who looked as cute as a button. His eyes looking into mine. I smiled and kissed the top of his head.

"Molly talk to me." Stu wiped my eyes. I looked at him.

"Hold me." I moved into his arms. He didn't ask questions. He didn't try to pester on. As soon as I asked, he wrapped his arms around us and kissed my temple.

"Tiffany?" He broke the silence after minutes passed.

I nodded and sniffled in between. "Yes."
.........