IT DOESN'T EXIST ( Underground Series Ⅲ )

Kabanata 30

Mistake

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This is not right. This is all wrong...

Ilang beses ko nang sinabi sa sarili ko na wala na sa akin ang nakaraan. Lahat ng iyon ay bahagi na lang ng isang parte ng naging buhay ko noon, ang buhay ni Malia. Hindi na iyon dapat mahalaga at hindi ako dapat pang nagpapa-apekto. Everything that happened in the past should stay in the past. I will never be able to move forward if I keep myself stuck in the same spot.

Pero paano kung kahit ako, hindi ko maipaliwanag ang sarili? How will I make things work if my heart won't cooperate with my mind? Anong gagawin ko?

Simula ng araw na nagkita kami muli ni Kian, lahat ng plano ko ay tuluyan nang nawala. Lahat ay nasira. My heart and body feel like they're working at the same time toward the same goal. Ni hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong mga braso nang kumapit at pumulupot ang mga ito sa balikat ni Kian. Para akong bata na takot na maagawan ng laruan. I clung to his shoulders like I was afraid that someone might steal him away from me.

Hindi ito ang isinisigaw ng utak ko. Sinasabi nito sa akin na itulak si Kian palayo, sinasabi nito na huwag akong papadala. Pero tuluyan na akong nawalan ng kontrol sa sarili kong katawan. Sa bawat paglalim ng mga halik ni Kian, para akong dinadala sa kung saan. I can't even think straight, at kahit ang paligid, tuluyan na akong nawalan nang pake.

Nagulat na lang ako nang maramdaman ko ang pag-angat ng katawan ko mula sa sahig. Kian cupped my butt, so I immediately wrapped up my legs around his waist, not minding anything at all. I feel like none of it matters anymore. No one matters anymore. Until the next thing I knew, he was putting me gently on the bed.

Nang maramdaman ko ang malambot na kama sa aking likuran, doon ako sandaling natigilan. Sandali ring lumayo sa akin si Kian para pagmasdan ako nang diresto. Para akong nalalasing sa mga titig niya. Pinagmasdan niya ako at tinitigan nang diretso sa aking mga mata bago nagsalita.

The first two buttons of his polo are now open; his hair was messy, and his dark and piercing eyes never left mine. Kian's lips were even redder than before, especially after he ran his tongue over them.

"Fuck! Please tell me to stop right now. I don't think I can hold it if we take another step from here."

Stop him? How could I even do it if I was already drowning? I can't even stop myself from praising how hot and perfect he was tonight. I can't even stop myself from fantasizing about his perfectly sculpted body. Even my hands feel like they have their own mind. We both looked at it when it ran through his chest, tracing and unbuttoning his polo.

I must be losing my mind now. Maging si Kian ay pinagmasdan lang kung paano gumalaw nang kusa ang mga kamay ko para buksan ang natitirang butones na nakasara sa kaniyang polo. But before I completely freed his body, nang muli kong maramdaman ang mainit na mga halik ni Kian sa aking labi, pababa ng aking panga, muli lamang akong nawala sa katinuan.

A soft moan escapes my lips as I slowly bite it. His wet and shallow kiss went down until it reached my neck, down to my collarbone. I feel like drowning; it feels like ecstasy. I feel like I was drunk, and I can't find a way out.