NCT One-Shots

Love Imbalance|RenLe

Renjun x Chenle

Chenle doesn't usually consider himself an affectionate person. Actually, almost never, instead, he'll just have favorites that he loves to give more attention to. His best friends (in different ways) and his boyfriend. And his boyfriend is pretty much the same, never wanting affection and very, very rarely initiating it. At first, that seemed fine, the two would just show care in other ways. And they do.

Chenle cooks, Renjun helps, the two sing and sometimes dance, Renjun creates art and Chenle instantly hangs it up or makes it his phone wallpaper. Little things. It's never bothered Chenle and from occasional check-ins, it doesn't bother Renjun at all. And maybe it's just influence from others but every time Chenle sees a sickeningly sweet couple, he gets annoyed just because that's not him. He know their relationship doesn't have to be like that, but he wants it.

So he tries, bit by bit. He kisses Renjun more, especially when his boyfriend is unsuspecting because the way he blushes and shyly smiles is cute, he leans into him when they watch a movie in hopes that Renjun will hold him, he takes him by surprise and randomly blurts out "I love you". But to make Renjun comfortable, he mixes it with other, less obvious things, he sends him songs or playlists, picks up his favorite snacks or just anything he knows he likes, sends him all those reels he sees on Instagram. 

Even when Chenle is having a bad day, he tries to keep it away from his boyfriend because Renjun doesn't deserve whatever temporary negativity decides to haunt Chenle for the day. And sometimes, it's hard, working overtime to show someone love when he isn't particularly fond of himself, but Renjun says he's good at it and he appreciates it, which is all the motivation Chenle needs.

But it's starting to get difficult.

Loving Renjun and showing it? God, there's nothing easier to Chenle. That's never been an issue. 

Yet, when Renjun doesn't seem to do the same back or maybe he is in ways Chenle can't identify, it starts to hurt. He would never want to push Renjun and make him uncomfortable, but he doesn't know what to do when he can barely get his boyfriend to hug him back or even hug at all.

And every unanswered "I love you" gets louder every time he receives it. A kiss on the cheek used to be perfect and he still likes it, he loves any affection from Renjun, but that's not what he wants. That's not all he wants.

All Chenles sweet messages lose their warmth. His feelings for Renjun haven't changed but the feelings Renjun gives him has. Instead of getting excited to send a song or a reel, whatever it is, Chenle hesitates, questions if there's even a point, if Renjun even cares. Sure, some of these are just made up from his mind and the face that he has no idea what's going on in Renjuns head, though the knowledge just adds on to drive him even more crazy.

He tries to endure it as long as possible, just asking Renjun how he likes to be loved and asking his friends how Renjun makes them feel cared for. He also analyzes and over-analyzes every single action Renjun makes towards him just to see if there's things he was missing. 

Chenle tries, he really fucking tries, but it still hurts and his heart can only take so much.

The self-destructive part of him wants to just ghost Renjun until their relationship destroys itself so he no longer has to deal with and the one thing his emotional side has in common with it is that he wants to scream. And maybe cry. The hopeful parts thinks they can talk it out, that maybe they don't have to talk at all and one day Renjun will just fix the problem himself. That Renjun will suddenly start returning all the love Chenle has been giving him, but Chenle also knows better.