imagines | javon & ashtray

panic attack - javon

it wasn't normal for us to argue, but when we did they were over stupid reasons. the reason for this argument being because, he never puts the same amount of effort into the relationship as i do.

i've been exhausted, you know, having one of those days; which have been occurring a lot recently.

"you're always finding some lame excuse to be mad at me! it's so fucking attention seeking bro!" he shouted.

my feelings stood strong, not daring to show the slightest sign of sadness or fear. "i don't think it's a lame excuse—"

"—considering you never put any effort into this relationship"

he's breathing was quite heavy, he was getting aggravated. "you should've known that when we began dating, i'm famous, i got other shit to do..."

"—more important shit to do, instead of just sitting around & dedicating my fucking life to you!" his voice refused to lower.

"i'm not asking you to do that javon!" i was frustrated that he wasn't understanding where i was coming from.

or that he didn't try to understand where i was coming from, instead he just started an argument.

"then what are you asking for?! you're so fucking annoying sometimes—" his hand held his forehead, covering his eyes.

then, it all just happened. my tears fled; a lot of them aswell. all of the tears i had bottled up, we're finally being let out.

it was unusual for me to break down mid. argument, hence why javon held a shocked expression on his face.

an instant guilt took control of his body, his eyes softening, aswell as his body.

my head rested into my hands as continuous sobs exited my mouth. i could hear his footsteps make their way to me.

giving me reason to step back, away from him. "y/n— i never— i'm sorry baby" he stood there, accepting my disgust i had towards him.

he took a single step forward, to see how i would react at it. which i stood still, continuing my sobs.

he took my stillness as an opportunity to reach out for me, his hand taking my shoulder.

bringing me into his body for an embrace. at the moment a hug was all i needed. my hands wrapped around his waist, bringing us closer together.

'i'm sorry' was all he repeated, so many times i lost count. maybe all these tears weren't because of him.

it was everything, all of my feelings that have been bottled up the past months.

"i'm so sorry y/n....baby i'm sorry" he whispered as we sat on the ground, he held me in his arms; refusing to let me go.

you know when you cry and you just want to let it all out, and by saying 'let it out' i really mean scream it out? that type of cry?

yeah that's how i felt.

my crying got more intense by the second, which lead to javon growing more and more worried.

"y/n baby i'm sorry" he seemed panicked, "you stay here i'll be right back" he worried out of the room frantically.

as he left i continued to cry into my hands. but now i started to choke on my breathing, failing to keep it steady.

i was having a panic attack, i was hysterical. my breathing failed to steady, my heart was racing, i wanted it to stop.

soon enough javon came in the room with his older sister, and his older brother who probably wasn't invited but is just nosey.

"y/n/n breath love, breath" she was quick to hold me in her arms, rubbing my back.

jaden attempted to calm javon down as he continued to blame himself, "this is all my fault— baby i'm so sorry" he almost cried.

he sat beside me as jayla was in front of me holding me in her arms, jaden on my other side. "jayla what's going on, why is she acting like this?!" my boyfriend asked, genuine worry laced through his voice.

"wanna she's having a panic attack" she explained quickly to her brother. "what caused her to cry!" she became defensive.

i couldn't control my breathing with all this arguing, but jadens hand that rubbed my back helped. "just breathe y/n/n" he whispered to me.

"we were arguing and she just broke down" he explained shortly to his sister. "fuck baby i'm so sorry" he repeated once again.

jayla and wanna continued to talk—not so much argue, but talk, about the argument me and him just had.

leaving jaden to deal with me, as his siblings went on with their conversation his attention focused on me.

"y/n/n breath with me—look at me and breath with me" he whispered, i did as told and looked at him.

hiccuping horribly on my breath, "in" we both began to breath in for 5 seconds. "and out" we breathed out for 5 seconds.

we both proceeded with that process until i finally calmed down. "you alright now?" he asked, rubbing the side of my arm.

jayla and javons attention now focused onto us, "yeah, thank you for that" i hugged the twin.

"always y/n/n" he hugged back.
___

jayla and jaden left the room, now it was just us. javon and i, one on one.

"i don't even know where to start— i.......words will never describe how sorry i am baby, i never meant for you to break down. i will forever blame myself for this, nothing will ever make me change my mind" he looked down with embarrassment.

"—i understand if you're still mad, because what i did to make you like that and have a panic attack, was something unforgivable." he added.

unexpectedly for him, i put my hand on his, holding onto it. "it's alright wanna,  it wasn't just you, it's a build up of feelings" i whispered.

he held tears in his eyes as he looked up to me, "i love you" he hugged me so tight. but it was comforting to say the least.

"we're never gonna argue again" he whispered.

_____
a/n: these chapters are either really emotional or really slutty 😂 i'll try make some that are cute

i'll try to stop with the emotional chapters LOL