C͓̽L͓̽U͓̽B͓̽ P͓̽A͓̽R͓̽A͓̽D͓̽I͓̽S͓̽E͓̽

38

"Fix your face mama."

I huffed licking my lips before wiping them. Waking up with an attitude is just very hard. I'm not trying to be mad at the world but I really am. My baby is leaving today and then i'm gonna be alone for who knows how long. She doesn't even know.

It's hurting my heart....but she has a career and she deserves to live out her dreams. It's not her fault that mine consists of being home a lot. That's until I start opening stores all over. So excited to make it there. Until then I have to accept my baby leaving me when she needs to.

"In two days imma fly back down here for a day."

"That's doing a lot Bey." I mumbled. She's coming for one day just to leave hours later. It really doesn't make sense to me. If this was a year ago I would've been ready for her to do it. But then, I hadn't seen her in years so it only made sense in that moment.

Now that I have her, I don't think it's that damn necessary.

"So. Imma do a lot then. If that's what I have to do to come see my pregnant girlfriend and make sure she's okay, then that's what i'm gonna do." She came and stood over me, raising her eyebrow. I didn't dare protest. Just nodded my head before she pecked it. "Now stop frowning baby. Just think of it as me at my house and you over here. I'll make sure to call if you don't call me alright? It just takes a lot with perfection so i'll try my best."

"I understand."

I have no choice but to. It's her job, what other options does she have? She's the perfect Beyoncé, that's what she's known for. If I knock her off her game then it'll be my fault. She deserves everything she's ever wished for. I encourage her to put her time into her career. Just make a little room for me in there.

We both work hard but she works even harder. This is what she's worked for. I'm ready to see my baby on the stage, working it like she should. Best belive when it's time for her to perform here i'm front row, right there so she can see me.

"Come on so we can go see my mama. You telling her you pregnant?"

"Not today." I said softly. I'm scared to tell anyone right now. Not even of their reactions but I can't even get over my first child. So knowing that i'm carrying another kind of pokes at my spirit a little. I don't know whether to be excited about it or scared.

Like yea I agreed to the baby, but am I ready? All that time i'd been saying no and out the blue I said yes....Im stable, im able, that's not an issue at all. Nothing is wrong with me. I just want things to go correctly all the way through. No complications. I want this baby to make it...

I want to give my big baby a family that she deserves.

"Whenever you're ready, i'm not rushing."

"Thank you." I grabbed her hands and kissed them. She looked at me confused and I held back my tears. "For understanding. I know I put you through a lot to even come to an agreement with giving you a child. And I know it's not your fault that you weren't there the first time, but you're still patient with me. Thank you for that."

"That's what i'm here for mama. Gimme kiss."

I stood up from the bed and gave her a couple kisses. We got some clothes on before heading to her mother's house. I'm not sure if i've actually talked to her mom since she's moved back. If I have talked to her I don't remember...Ms.Tina is an amazing woman though.

It would be a lie if I said I wasn't nervous. I don't want anyone to sense that i'm pregnant at all. And with the type of mothers we have it's bound to happen. They can sniff out a pregnancy like it's shit in the air.