For His Entertainment

Chapter Fifteen

Wala ako sa mood kumausap ng tao. I stayed in my own room, watching some romantic flick on Netflix, and be the loser that I am.

Why am I even feeling bad? It's not like somebody did something to me. I just felt betrayed, in a way... by Theo, by Spencer.

Something must be wrong with me, really. Wala naman silang ginagawa sa akin pero lahat hinahanapan ko ng mali. Theo has been calling me dahil hindi ako pumasok ngayon at wala akong pinagsabihan. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko pa alam kung paano siya haharapin. I don't know if I should still force myself to feel something for him just because I think it's right.

And yes, inaamin ko na sa sarili ko, I am miserable because I felt something with Spencer. Something I shouldn't feel. I acknowledged a lot of times na hindi niya talaga ako magugustuhan, but why am I stuck in the same cycle over and over again? I never should've put any meaning sa ginagawa niya.

And that stupid fucking advice? It didn't mean anything for Christ's sake! That "What if you're meant for another person", he wasn't referring to himself, okay, Ally? Get over it.

Nobody knows I like Spencer, not even Irene or Kim or Lyka. All they know is we are close because we grew up together, but I didn't get to tell them. Partly because I didn't want to hear it out loud. To say it out loud. It was already hard as it is, no point in making it harder. Now I don't know if I really have anyone to talk to. I wanted to get this off my chest pero hindi ko alam sa paanong paraan.

I wanted to get over this but I was already contradicting myself because I was listening to Taylor Swift's album. Masaya naman yung kanta pero bakit ako lumuluha?

Tinapon ko ang pangalawang gallon ng ice cream ko. I can't wait to graduate, then again I'd be out of this house, away from Spencer. And baka sakaling maka-move on na talaga ako. Hindi ko na siya makikita. Hindi ko na maaalala kung gaano ba ako ka-walang kwenta sa mga mata niya.

I sighed. I have been thinking so hard, I feel like my head is gonna explode.

Eventually, I decided to go to class kahit wala ako sa mood. I needed to keep myself busy to stop this stupid brain of mine from thinking about the unnecessary.

"Where were you?" Agad na tanong ni Theo after my class, he looks so damn worried. "You weren't returning my calls."

I sighed, feeling weak. "Can you take me out to the movies?"

His expression immediately changed. "Sure!"

I nodded and started walking. I did not bring my car dahil hindi pa naman ako ganon ka-praktisado, and in this state? Baka mapatay ko lang sarili ko. Theo doesn't have a car, so we rode the jeep. It was rather a new experience to me. Sobrang tagal na nung huling sumakay ako sa public transportation.

Theo looked at me, worried. "Sorry..." He said as if there's something to be sorry about.

Ganun ba ko mukhang hindi sumasakay ng jeep?

"It's okay. Masaya naman." I said.

Nung dumating kami sa mall, I chose the movie, and of course, I chose horror, just wanting to distract myself badly. Theo was silent for a second as if thinking about something, then smiled back at me. He was about to pay, pero nakita ko ang wallet niya and saw one five-hundred peso bill. I smiled at him and offered to pay for this.

"No, Ally..." He insisted and thought for a while, kahit alam namin pareho na kulang yong budget niya, which I completely understand. He just bought me a gigantic bear. "Ako na nito, hindi na nga lang kita mayayaya ng lunch for this week."

"Theo, ako 'yung nagyaya, so ako ang magbabayad." I did not mean to offend him, so I continued. "Ganito na lang, ikaw sa popcorn. Isa lang, share tayo, hindi ko 'yun kayang ubusin. I'm not a fan of soda, too. So water na lang?"