For His Entertainment

Chapter Sixty-four

I looked at myself one last time in my rear view mirror. I haven't seen myself in the mirror for a long time and now, all I can see are the imperfections. The dark circles under my eyes as a result of my career has been hiding behind concealers for years, but now, it's in full visibility. My skin, without my monthly consultation with the dermatologist, looked dry and dull. My bushy eyebrows were ungroomed and my hair was in a complete messy bun.

For the first time since it all happened, I felt happy with what I'm seeing. Because this is the real and natural me - not those photos my social media manager posts on Instagram, not those photoshopped magazines. This is the truth - I am imperfect and I am okay with that.

Letting out a long sigh, I put on my sunglasses and turned the engine off. I grabbed a mint from my purse and put it in my mouth. Lumabas ako ng sasakyan at dali-daling nagtungo sa elevator. I gazed at my phone to look at the text message Kuya sent me.

Room 410.

I pressed the number 4 and when the elevator door closed, doon ko lang muling naramdaman ang pangangatog ng aking binti. Malalalim na hininga ang pinakawalan ko at pilit na nilulunok ang nakabara sa lalamunan ko. All I know is I need to see him. I know that this isn't the perfect time but we don't have that precious time anymore, do we?

As I reached the door with silver numbers 410 written on it, I heaved a heavy sigh once more. Pinindot ko ang doorbell and the ten-second in between was the longest I had to endure. I can hear my heart beating and my shallow breath. Nang magbukas ang pinto ay bumungad sa akin si Spencer na nakatapis at mayroong maliit na twalyang nakasabit sa kan'yang balikat. Droplets from his hair were making their way towards his toned body. Agad nang-init ang pisngi ko sa bumungad sa akin. His eyes turned wide in surprise upon seeing me as if he was brought back into life.

I rehearsed all the lines I wanted to say in my mind like a script I was trying to memorize but his mere sight made it all go away. The warmth of his presence was caressing me, melting the wall of ice in my heart.

"I'm... sorry," I said, bawling and not giving a damn about how I look. "I'm so sorry."

Tinapon ko ang sarili ko sa kan'ya at niyakap ko siya nang mahigpit. I felt him tense for a second but I just hugged him tighter - letting him know that I'm not letting go. Not anymore. Not when I know and acknowledge that he is my home. He's the glue that keeps me together.

He relaxed and hugged me back, caressing my hair. "What are you sorry for?" He pulled me closer to him and shut the door behind us.

He is welcoming me back.

I took in all his scent. His muscular arms were wrapped around me like nothing's ever gonna hurt me again.

"For everything. For... For saying no when I should've said yes. For being a mess. For dragging you into this mess," hikbi ko. 

He chuckled, his hands making their magic on my hair. "You're the mess I'm always happy to be in," he said in a low voice.

Inangat ko ang tingin ko sa kan'ya, ang buhay sa kan'yang mga mata ay unti-unti nang bumabalik. He smirked when our eyes met as if he didn't just spend the night in prison for me. Pinunasan niya ang luha na patuloy lamang sa pag-bagsak. "Still a crybaby."

 "I missed you, asshole," pag-aamin ko habang diretsong nakatitig sa kan'ya, letting him see through me. "I wanna stop pretending that I don't love you anymore because I still do. And it's so frustrating. Gulong gulo ako pero patuloy lang ako sa pagpapanggap. Gustong gusto ko nang makalimutan ka --"

His hand transferred from my cheeks onto my chin, and before I can even finish my sentence, his lips crashed into mine. I closed my eyes as the wave of familiarity hits me down to my very core. His lips didn't move -- we were living in that very moment. If I had any superpower, I would've wanted the time to stop right there and then. His strong arm draped around my hips, one hand on my chin, my arms on his shoulders, his lips on mine, his scent making me high.