For His Entertainment

Chapter Fifty-one

"Cut! 5 minute break!"

The director signaled. Apple and his make-up artists rushed towards me to retouch my make-up. With the scorching sun above us, alam kong mabilis lang matunaw ang foundation at concealer na nilagay nila sa mukha ko. This isn't good.

Ngumiwi ako nang maramdaman ang sponge sa ilalim ng aking labi.

"Careful girls!" Apple clicked his tongue.

"Sorry, Ma'am," one of them said.

I grabbed the mirror from their pouch and looked at the cover-up they made to hide the bruise under my lip. Kaunting pawis ko lamang ay nahahalata na ang pasa roon. I groaned.

"Okay na 'yan, go back to your tent." Apple said to dismiss the staff. Bumuntong hininga siya at nakapamewang na hinarap ako.

"Isa pang pasa ang makita ko sa mukha o katawan mo, and I won't try to hide it anymore."

I signaled Alexa to give me water as we made our way to my own tent. "Apple, I do a lot of dance training. Normal na ang magkapasa ako."

"Naiintindihan ko kung sa balakang mo o di kaya sa legs, but under your lips? Ally, hindi ako pinanganak kahapon."

Nagmamadali si Apple nang dalhin niya ang tubig sa akin. I downed the contents of the bottle in an instant. Hindi lumagpas sa tingin ko si Zach na kasalukuyang pumipirma ng autograph ng mga extra. I rolled my eyes and when I did, agad nahanap ng mga mata ko si Spencer. He was wearing a floral polo and a beach shorts. Nakabukas ang unang dalawang butones nito kung saan sumisilip ang kan'yang matipunong dibdib.

He was looking at me intently, his jaw clenched, and for a moment, I felt my breath escape my lungs.

Bago pa ako tuluyang malunod sa kan'yang matatalim na titig ay agad ko nang hinawakan si Apple at hinila siya palayo roon. This is not a good idea. Not in front of Zach.

"Is Zach hurting you? Is he hitting you?" Ramdam ko ang galit sa boses ni Apple nang sa wakas ay makarating na kami sa tent ko.

"No, of course not," I lied, and honestly? I don't even know why I'm lying. Napapagod na lang talaga akong magpaliwanag kung pati ako hindi ko alam ang gagawin. Hindi ko alam kung saan magsisimula.

I know Zach has anger issues and the first time he laid his hand on me, I gave myself excuses. But one led to another, until I was losing all excuses I can ever think of.

I'm so fucking helpless.

***

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need

I let the loud music play on my earphones, one was plugged in on my right ear, the other one hanging freely on my shoulder. The song mixed with the harmonious sound of waves.

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

I coughed on the first drag of my cigarette. Mariin ko iyon tiningnan but I continued with another drag. I'm not sure what's inside this deadly stick, but a lot have been saying that this calms their nerves, that it somehow provides them with the escape they badly need. And right now? I'm desperate for that, even at the cost of my health.

Even at the cost of my life.

When the tears come streaming down your face
'Cause you lose something you can't replace

I leaned on the balcony railings, my arms touching the cold metal. I can hear the waves of the sea and see the moon's reflection on the water. Every drag of cigarette, my body was becoming more and more comfortable in its smoke and scent.