For His Entertainment

Epilogue part 1

I have lived in somebody else's approval and revolved my purpose around it, so when I got those approval, what was next? I didn't know. I was lost. I didn't know where to go, I didn't know what else to do.

To live for other's entertainment, ironically, felt like putting yourself in a life sentence.

It was addicting.

"Kinulong ang aktor na si Zachaios Peñaflor noong Linggo ng hapon dahil sa reklamong sinampa sa kan'ya ng aktres na si Aleandra Estero sa paglabag ng RA 9262 o Anti-Violence Against Women and Children. Matatandaang unang nagsampa ng reklamo ang aktor ng serious physical injuries laban kay Aleandra at sa negosyanteng si Spencer Feledrico matapos itakbo sa ospital dahil sa mga natamong sugat, ngunit ibinasura ng korte ang reklamo kay Aleandra at itinuloy naman ang reklamo kay Spencer. Ilang araw lamang matapos makatanggap ng subpoena ay nagsampa na rin ng reklamo si Aleandra sa aktor at inakusahan ang aktor sa pambubugbog at --"

"Ally, ano ang nararamdaman mo sa pagkakakulong ni --"

"Ally, what can you say to those people who accused you of playing victim?"

"Until when are you taking a break from acting?"

"Can you confirm your relationship with Spencer Feledrico?"

Taas-noo lamang akong naglalakad at hindi sila pinapansin. With the sunglasses on my eyes protecting me from the flash of the camera, I now feel indifferent. I now feel free. Tuloy tuloy ako sa paglalakad papasok sa airport. My bodyguards and some airport guards finally stopped them from entering the airport, and once I'm in, I didn't look back.

I'm never looking back.

This is a new chapter of my life. And I'm facing it on my own.

I no longer owe the media an explanation. I no longer owe these strangers anything. I never thought the time will come when I wouldn't give a shit about what other people think. 

I remember planning this trip for me and Spencer, but things took an ugly turn and I'm now alone. I need to learn how to be okay with that. Buong buhay ko, tumakbo lamang para sa ibang tao, but now, I need to learn to know myself better and know what I really want and fucking get it.

And it was Spencer who helped me realize that.

*

Parang pinipiga ang puso ko nang nakita ko si Spencer na nakasuot ng kahel na tshirt - ang kan'yang buhok at balbas ay mas mahaba na ngayon. His faded jeans looked like he has been wearing it for a while. He forced a smile but I can sense his pain. I can still visualize a few weeks ago like it was yesterday--how they dragged him towards jail like he has committed a big crime when all he did was just protect me.

The court found it insufficient for self-defense since I wasn't in imminent danger as per my affidavit. I used the bottle of beer to defend myself, and when Spencer came to my rescue, Zach wasn't in the act of attacking me. I wanted to blame myself for this, but one thing I realized after all the trauma and legal battle I had with Zach is that blaming myself just adds fuel to the flame.

"Margarette," Spencer opened his arms at me and I quickly threw myself to him and hugged him tight--afraid that if I let go, he'll vanish. It's been only a few weeks and I visit him everyday but I feel like it is just never enough.

I tried my best to hold back the tears but they just keep pouring. I hate seeing him like this. I hate how he is suffering a punishment he didn't deserve. Kahit na nakakulong na si Zach ay hindi pa rin iyon sapat para pagbayaran niya lahat ng ito.

"Shhh," Spencer held my face and looked at it with those gentle eyes. "What did I tell you about crying?"

Tumango ako at huminga nang malalim. "I miss you so much."