For His Entertainment

Chapter Fifty-two

"Wala ka nang babalikan rito. Kaya utang na loob, tigilan mo na 'ko," kasabay ng init ng buhangin sa paanan ko ay ang init ng bumabadyang luha sa mga mata ko. Dumagdag pa rito ang hapdi na dulot ng mainit na araw. As I turned my back, I let the tears cascade down my cheeks.

"Wait, please..." I felt his hand on my arm and I almost cringed. Pinilit niya akong paharapin sa kan'ya at ang kan'yang namumulang mga mata ang agad na sumalubong sa akin. His whole face was red, too, like he was genuinely regretful.

"Mahal kita. Oo, naging duwag ako," sinabunutan niya ang sarili pero nanatili ang kan'yang tingin sa akin. "Inaamin ko, inuna ko ang sarili ko. But I can't afford to lose you."

His hand slowly caressed my tanned arms until he reached the back of my palm. He held it close to his lips until all I can feel is his hot breath and tears. Sa pagkurap ko ay ang sunod sunod na pagtulo rin ng luha ko, blurring my vision. The only thing that registered in my mind was his distorted face. He reached for my cheeks and brushed my tears away. Cupping my chin gently, he closed the distance between us until our tears become one.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered loud enough for me to sob at the sound of his apology. And when I closed my eyes, I accepted his kiss fully. It was gentle at first, like he was asking for permission, and when I responded, he held me closer, deepening the kiss even more.

I relaxed the muscles on my face and kissed him the way I've always done it, kissed him for everybody's entertainment.

"Cut! That's good enough."

I heaved a sigh of relief at kumalas kay Zach. Pinunasan ko ang luha ko na hanggang ngayon ay tuloy-tuloy pa rin ang pagtulo. Alexa ran to me and gave me a bottle of cold water na agad kong ininom hanggang sa huling lagok.

This was our 16th take for this scene and I'm so damn exhausted and dehydrated. Halos nahihirapan na rin akong ipikit ang mga mata ko dahil sa pamumugto nito.

"Good, good. Keep that emotions up. Next scene would be in the hut," the director announced. "Ready na ba ang set-up doon?"

"Yes, Direk," a maintenance crew answered.

Napatalon ako nang maramdaman ang pag-akbay sa akin ni Zach. "You okay?"

Tumango ako. "Just tired."

Sinubukan kong tanggalin ang pagkakaakbay niya sa akin, but he held me tighter. Bumuntong hininga na lamang ako at hinayaan siya. I realized the only way to make Zach a little tolerable is to just let him be, he'd never stop anyway.

Sabay naming tinahak ang daan patungo sa kubo kung saan naka set-up na ang mga lighting equipment at camera. A part of the crew was still setting the bed up. Saka lamang ako pinakawalan ni Zach nang iginiya siya ng kan'yang secretary patungo sa sariling pwesto. Alexa did the same, giving me my script. Umupo ako malapit sa kama and some of the make-up artists started retouching my make-up.

Pinikit ko ang mga mata ko, trying to internalize the scene once again. I know too well that the camera knows all the lies, alam na alam nito whenever I fake my emotions. And working with an award-winning director doubles up the pressure. I need to step up my game. Ilang beses na rin niya akong napagalitan dahil sa kakulangan ng emosyon and I don't want to disappoint him any further.

At the end of the day, this is what I chose. I'd chosen this over everything else I ever loved in my life, and it's the only thing left. There was no leaving.

"Alright, get ready," the director once again announced.

Nang binuksan ko ang mga mata ko, I stilled at the familiarity of Spencer's presence. I can feel myself freeze on the spot. Shit. I hate how my body knows exactly whenever he's near, kahit na hindi ko pa siya nakikita, alam na alam ko nang narito siya.