For His Entertainment

Chapter Twenty-three

I was gripping on the steering wheel. I've been here in the parking lot for God knows how long and I know I had to calm down. Ngayon ko na nararamdaman lahat ng frustration ko. Ngayon na marami nang ibang nadadamay.

I didn't want to see Theo hurt. Most importantly, I didn't want to see him hurt because of me and my bad decisions. Lahat nang ginawa ko, simula pagkabata, up to the moment I stoop down so low to even seduce him into giving me answers, lahat nang iyon has taken a toll on me, and now I know I had to confront this.

No more reading between the lines. No more consideration. I needed to find the answer from his mouth.

Marahas kong binuksan ang pinto ng condo ni Spencer. He was there on the couch with an ice pack on his now sore lips.

He looked at me and his eyes mirrored the same disappointment in my eyes.

"What the fuck did you do?!" I started. I had so much things in my mind I feel like I'll just burst and tell everything without thinking twice.

"I didn't do anything, Margarette. He was the one who threw a punch on me." He stood up to level me, but he was too tall kinailangan kong tingalain siya.

"You turn everything into a mess, Spencer! Alam mo ba 'yon?!" I hate getting angry, because that would mean I'd cry out of frustration, and tears are weaknesses to his eyes.

Nalaglag ang panga niya. Binaba niya ang ice pack and walked towards me, his gaze turning dark. I knew that was my cue to walk away, but I can't. I've been in hiding for too long, giving him the opportunity to hurt me for too long.

Tama na.

"I don't know what his problem is, but I just defended myself. Why are you taking it against me?" He said in such cold voice.

"Because you are the problem!" I took a step forward. "Ikaw naman lahat nagpasimuno nito! Ikaw na walang ginawa kundi magpaikot at magpaiyak ng babae! Ikaw na gago na wala nang ginawang matino sa buhay!"

Pain suddenly conquered his eyes, and for a second, I wanted to bring back the words I said. But no, he should hear the truth.

"Ally..." Huminahon ang boses niya.

"No, Spencer, you should hear this. You don't love Chelssy, you don't even like her at the slightest sense, pero anong ginawa mo? You led her on the way you did to me!" There. I said it. I fucking said it. 

As if on cue, the tears started flowing from my eyes and it's so fucking hard to breathe.

He took a step back. "I don't understand. I thought we were fine."

 "You are, ikaw lang naman palagi. Pero ako, natanong mo ba kung okay ako? No! Because you're selfish! This has been a routine, and you know what, this is already tiring. Pagod na ko, trying to gauge whatever part I hold in your life. I even need to play your stupid freaking game dahil akala ko, gusto mo rin ako. Pero ano, ako na naman ang kawawa diba? I am so fucking confused, it's driving me crazy!" Pumiyok ako kasabay ng paninikip ng dibdib ko. Nahihirapan ako magsalita, pero kailangan ko ilabas lahat 'to. "Ngayon, ako na naman ang magmomove-on. Paulit ulit nalang, you're not even aware na nasasaktan mo na ako. You're insensitive, that's why! It has become a routine you wanna play. Whenever you feel like nawawala na ko sa'yo, saka mo ko papaasahin ulit. Pero kapag andyan na ko, you'll again take me for granted. Alam mo ba kung gano kasakit 'yon? To be just in between, to be just an almost? To know that you're not good enough?!" 

He wasn't saying anything. He just stood there, ready to absorb everything I've been dying to let out.

"Alam mo, okay lang naman sa'kin. Okay lang if you don't like me back. Pero 'yung paulit-ulit mo akong pinapaasa? That's shit, man." Marahas kong pinunasan ang luha na tumutulo. Pero wala iyon kwenta, they were continuously pouring down. "Ngayon, alam mo na. Theo was trying to protect me, he was only trying to make you realize, and all you did was punch him in the face. Congrats, Spencer, for being the asshole of the year."