Heirs of The Gold by archivesofrooh
Reviewer: FrostedForestFairy
Chapters read: 28
Title, cover and blurb:
The title is pretty unique. And the blurb gives the readers a feel of the genre of the book.
The blurb is really well written. You introduced the main character in an interesting way while keeping it short enough to be a good blurb. You also created a lot of intrigue and introduced part of the conflict which makes the reader want to read the story.
My only criticism with the blurb is that the setting you described feels pretty off. Going into the story I assumed it was a historical fiction with royalty and things. And finding out it was set in the modern era threw me off. My suggestion would be to change the words 'royal family' in the blurb to something like 'business tycoon' or some similar phrase/word. The mention of a royal family really misinterprets your setting for the story.
Characters:
The characters are really well fleshed out! They feel multifaceted and like they could possibly be real people. You also did a great job showing each character's flaws and what motivates them. You also managed to make the side characters feel in-depth despite them not having much page time. I liked the way the character development for Kedar and Agastya (especially Agastya) was gradual and not a sudden change, and the way they still retain their old personality while becoming more in-depth to the audience.
Writing style:
The writing style is also good! You describe things in interesting ways and metaphors that make the reader imagine the scenes vividly. Your prose is fun to read without becoming too long. And the way you describe emotions is quite good, too. It really makes the reader be able to empathise with the characters.
Plot and world building:
The plot is really good! I like the way you combined mystery and drama to make such an interesting story. The feeling of suspense is tangible in the later chapter which is really well written. The pacing is good and you end each chapter in a cliffhanger which intrigues the readers into reading the next chapter. You also touched on the subject of abuse with the sensitivity that it deserves. I like the plot so far!
I do have a few criticisms about the world building though. How are the Chauhan family royalty if the story is set in modern times? I'm pretty sure royal families don't exist in India now. Like I mentioned in the 'blurb' part, I think you might be better off describing the Chauhans as a successful business family instead. Also the families marrying off two men feels a bit strange since that's still pretty looked down on in India. And the way you've portrayed Kedar, it's almost like you wrote a girl and then changed her gender. Kedar not being able to study because he's married is a problem that women usually face. So these are some things that really confused me while reading the story. If this is some alternate universe, I'd suggest introducing and clarifying the world a bit more. And something else you could try answering in the story is, how did Kedar become disabled and how does it affect his everyday life? I think it'd add even more depth to his character.
Grammar:
The grammar in your story is a bit off. It makes sense to read but it feels a bit clunky and isn't exactly grammatically accurate. If you don't speak fluent english, you might want to talk with someone who does, about helping you fix the grammar. As for the hindi, you use feminine pronouns for Kedar really often? I don't know if it's a choice you're making to portray that he's more on the feminine side or if it's just a mistake but I thought I'd mention it.
Conclusion:
The story in general is super interesting and I had a lot of fun reading it!
