Bound To The Seduction by Jiranipoa
Reviewer: CrownedMadness
Disclaimer: This review is brief and structured somewhat differently because it's only a comparison note with my earlier comments and the improvements I've noticed after rereading the first five chapters.
SUMMARY:
The story revolves around Sarah Suarez, a resilient young woman, and Henry Salva, a ruthless CEO. As their paths cross, feelings kindle, but they must confront their trust issues and past loves first.
REVIEW:
A romance centred around a resilient woman like Sarah allows for a character-driven narrative rather than just a romance-focused narrative, which I feel you've delved into in these revised chapters. I noticed that you've added more details about her family issues and background, which makes me feel more invested in her story. The clear definition of her trust issues (stemming from her relationship with her father) and motivation to be career-driven (to provide financial support for her family and brother) make her grounded and relatable. The two new characters (Mr. Guzman and Emily) can be tools for further exploration of Sarah, too. So, kudos on this development!
If I remember correctly, the previous draft of the first five chapters was a drawn-out sequence of the job situation and ended with the breakup. So, definitely an improvement now, as the readers gain more substantial context about Sarah within the first five chapters.
I must also say that the conference sequence is now more tactful and smoothly portrayed.
Now, coming to the prose itself, the writing feels more solid with the consistent omniscient voice and the added descriptions. But while I say that, I must also caution you about the language and the placement of descriptions. If the description overshadows the plot or disrupts the narrative flow, it may become tedious to read. For example, the suite description is effective as it transitions into Sarah's train of thought about enjoying these luxuries while she can. On the contrary, I felt that the detailing of Sarah's attire and physicality could be tightened to maintain focus on the main event (her presentation). Removing excessive adjectives and redundant phrases will also declutter your prose. Ultimately, it boils down to your preference and the intended story pacing (because the more words used, the slower the pace will be). I'm just noting so you can make the creative decision you want.
Another persisting issue is punctuation, mainly with commas. While each sentence is technically correct, the overall flow could be smoother by combining the run-ons or restructuring overly dense sentences.
The blurb feels more balanced now. The logline at the start is a great touch for summarizing the book's objective. Kudos!
BOTTOMLINE:
Sarah's interactions with the new characters are a meaningful insight into her character. So kudos on that improvement! The first five chapters have certainly improved in terms of story development. Currently, the intrigue revolves around Sarah's upcoming choices, the mysterious figure (Henry), and how they'll meet again. If you're looking to further accelerate the plot, I'd suggest having Henry's reappearance sooner within the first five chapters. I stand by that "Bound To The Seduction" will appeal to readers of women's fiction and CEO/Billionaire romance. Keep writing!
