Devils Angels & The God of Zombies by CrownedLordSuperior
Reviewer: CrownedMadness
SUMMARY:
Trapped on a zombie-infested campus, a troubled young man finds himself in a brutal fight for survival alongside his classmates. As the undead closes in, the fight for survival becomes not just a battle against the outside threat but against the real monster lurking within him.
PLOT:
The blurb is well-written. I personally liked the artful ambiguity and the almost poetic, atmospheric style. However, after reading the story, I realized that the tone can be aligned better with the story's overall mood, which is dark and gritty, using more direct language. Right now, all I can gather from the blurb is that it's zombie fiction, leaning towards a character-driven narrative that focuses on the protagonist's psychological conflict rather than the external conflict of surviving the undead. If that's the crux of the storyline, then it's good enough. Otherwise, I felt it lacks a unique selling point, that is, what sets it apart from regular zombie fiction. In your case, mentioning Demigore (seemingly the primary conflict) could have been used to create greater intrigue.
The epigraph at the opening is great for objectifying the book's context. Kudos! It's interesting how this isn't a traditional zombie novel; rather, explores the concept of the "zombie" within ourselves through Dhruv's emotional conflicts and his situation with the Demigore. The theme of good vs evil, and how it may not be black and white is an interesting perspective.
Generally, the execution is well done. However, I found the story only gets into gear from Chapter 2 onwards, which inadvertently renders Chapter 1 a weak first expression. The main concern is the lack of interiority, especially since this is a first-person narration. (I'll go further into it under the Writing section.) The first chapter lacks a clear direction, and the portrayal is in a confusing format, jumping around without providing enough detail for readers to understand what's happening. Regardless, the endings of the chapters encourage the reader to keep turning the pages, as most conclude on a cliffhanger.
CHARACTERS:
The characters currently appear lacking depth. For example, Dhruv's main characteristics are his anger problems and a vengeful, aggressive demeanor. While the latest chapters give a glimpse of his more humane qualities, these moments are too infrequent to create a connection with him. A broader range of his personality will allow a better understanding of where he's coming from. (Again, the lack of interiority is an issue here.) However, there's room within the plot for character development, and the characters have potential.
WORLD-BUILDING:
The story appears to be set in the current timeline (given the mention of COVID). While I'm not certain about your overall vision, the setting being confined to the campus is an interesting choice. It limits the characters' knowledge of the outside world, which adds an intriguing layer to the story.
I understand how Dhruv's gaming knowledge helps him navigate the situation, but I felt that he and the girls adapted to the zombies a bit too quickly. There seems to be little questioning of how the outbreak occurred. I suggest considering the origin of the zombie outbreak and exploring why the campus was specifically targeted, at least the characters' speculations, especially in light of the helicopter attack.
WRITING:
The writing has a gritty and candid tone, especially when it comes to the action sequences. The descriptions are uncompromising, sometimes bordering on splatterpunk, leading me to question the necessity of the explicitness. However, I must admit that the vocabulary and imagery are well done. The pacing of the plot has a steady rhythm and is moving along without a hitch. Kudos!
The dialogue has a somewhat immature tone, especially with the vocabulary used by the characters. However, it helps the characters' youthful energy. But because of similar tone and vocabulary, there's little distinction between their voices. The formatting is a bit confusing, too, particularly dialogue followed by action beats. For example, if the same person is talking, I'd advise against starting a new line or paragraph, as this disrupts the flow and suggests that someone else is talking. I see your vision behind italicising Dhruv's dialogue—maybe to show how he perceives some things differently or to indicate what's real vs what's happening inside his head—but some inconsistencies made me doubt the purpose of the italics.
The absence of inner thoughts (interiority) is a stumbling block. The reader remains in the dark about what transpired with Banshee and the nature of his relationship with Demigore. He dances around these thoughts using vague phrases such as "what she had done" or "my mind (or thoughts) raced" without any clear definition of what he's thinking. I realize the withholding of information is meant to create intrigue, but since this is first-person narration, it feels like he's filtering his own thoughts, which can be frustrating for readers and achieves the opposite effect of what you're aiming for.
Although there's room for improvement, the writing is engaging overall.
GRAMMATICAL IMPROVEMENTS:
Punctuation usage can be more careful and calculated, especially with commas. For example, "The moans echoed from upstairs, a slow, ominous reminder..." Here, a semi-colon after "upstairs" may have been a better choice for clarity and flow while expressing that the two parts are closely related but distinct. There are also a couple of run-ons and comma splices. Otherwise, the writing is mostly neat.
TITLE:
I see that you've changed your title from "Zombie World: The Apocalypse Begins" to "Devils Angels & The God of Zombies." This new title is an improvement over the previous one (which I found to be somewhat cliché and familiar). The current title carries a dramatic flair and you're hinting at the moral conflict through the terms "angels" and "devils." However, the direct references may come across as a bit biblical.
BOOK COVER:
The book cover appears to be a basic design placing the title and author's name on an image. While it's not bad, it lacks appeal. Unfortunately, on Wattpad, books are often judged by their covers and the effort put into them. If you prefer simple covers, I suggest choosing a better attractive image that directly references the storyline or subtly reflects the themes of the book, such as the Penguin Classics.
ENJOYMENT QUOTIENT:
The concepts in your work are unique within the zombie genre. I felt that you have a good vision for storytelling and this story. The plot twists are engaging. Although the explicit depiction isn't my preference, I think it will garner fans of dark and gritty fiction.
BOTTOMLINE:
The elements of psychological and supernatural are a selling point in this zombie fiction. Fans of zombie fiction, especially of a campus setting like "All Of Us Are Dead," will find this book particularly enjoyable. Keep writing!
