End Game

Saturn

Saturn- sleeping at last

Valentina's POV.

It has been two weeks since I lost my baby, two weeks filled with incomparable pain, two weeks in which I have wished to die more than ever, two weeks in which the pain becomes more intense and more unbearable every day.

Everyone around me says they understand the pain I am going through but they don't, they don't and will never understand because they have never lived it, they have never known what it feels like to lose your life in front of you and have to keep on living without wanting to.

No one understands what it's like to feel everything inside of you tearing apart with pain, no one understands how you feel so alone in a room full of people who can't share the same pain you are going through, it's simply impossible for them to feel even a little bit of what I am feeling.

I just don't see a purpose in my life anymore, nothing makes sense, my baby was all I ever wanted, being a mother was my biggest dream and after what happened the doctors said I could never be one, no matter how hard I tried it was going to be impossible for me to get pregnant again.

Life sucks, my life sucks, nothing can calm the pain I feel, nothing can make me feel at peace, all I think about is that day.

Shawn has been there for me and has tried to make me feel better even though it has been impossible but I try to act like I feel better so he doesn't feel bad, I know this is hard for him too, I mean it was his baby too.

He has been a good friend, he is the only one who has been able to understand a little of the pain I feel, he has been there for me day and night, he tries to make things easier and sometimes that makes me desperate.

Sometimes I get fits of rage and all I want to do is scream, sometimes I get panic attacks and I can't breathe, sometimes I get so frustrated that I want to take out my anger by hitting things, I just don't understand why, I ask God that question everyday, sometimes I think that I am still paying for my past mistakes, for what I did to the Olsens.

There are days when I blame her for causing all this, maybe if she hadn't done what she did I would still have my baby with me. There are days when I wonder if this was her final way of getting revenge for what I did to her and her family.

After that day in the hospital I never heard from Elizabeth again, she never came to visit me, never called or texted. She just disappeared.

That hurt a lot, even though things between the two of us were not good I wanted her to be there for me. That's one more sadness to add to my world of suffering I guess.

On the other hand the twins have come to visit me and it has been good to have them here, although Ashley hasn't brought Otto with her, I guess she is trying not to make me feel bad somehow.

David and Jarnett have also visited me, neither dares to name Elizabeth and that makes me a little uncomfortable but it's understandable .

But enough about them, the media keeps making stupid stories about me and my disappearance, they say I went back to my eating disorder and probably when they see me again they are going to think it's true.

I have lost ten kilograms in these past two weeks, my body doesn't feel hungry, it just feels exhausted.

My phone started buzzing bringing me out of my train of thought. It was my manager so I answered the call.

V- Rebecca, how can I help you?
R- Valen, honey I know this is the worst time to ask you for anything but our sponsors are calling me asking you to go to the VMA's.
V- I'm sorry Beca but I'm not in the mood.
R- I know and I hate to have to do this but you are obligated to go, there is no other option, if you don't go your sponsors will drop you.
V- fuck, this is a fucking nightmare.
R- I'm sorry honey.
V- I'll be there since there is no other option.
R- okay, the event is tomorrow night so I'll send you your outfit and have the glam team there at the necessary time.
V- okay Beca, thank you.

Great, now I will have to attend a damn event that I had no plans to go to. I don't want to see people, I don't want them to ask me how I'm doing, I don't want to break down in front of people. I managed to keep everything that has been going on with me all this time hidden and I want to keep it that way.

As has been routine these past few weeks I cried myself to sleep, woke up with puffy red eyes, at this point I was used to looking like this in the morning, I went to the bathroom and washed my face with cold water to bring the swelling down a bit so my makeup team wouldn't have to struggle with it too much.

Fran opened the door to my room with a tray in her hands, she had prepared breakfast but I had no appetite, I looked at her with a sad smile and she nodded knowing what I was going to tell her leaving the tray on my night table.

"I'm sorry, I'm just not hungry."
"I know honey, but you can't go on like this" she says moving closer to me.
"I promise when I feel better I will eat" I told her sincerely.
"I want you to know that I am here for you, I love you and I want you to be ok" she says hugging me.
"Thank you Fran, I love you too" I said letting out a tear.
"Your sisters and Kris will be at the event tonight, so if you feel overwhelmed they will be there for you" Fran informs me.
"Okay" I whisper.

I went back to my bathroom and took a shower, feeling the water on my body made my muscles relax a little, as I got out of the shower I looked in the mirror and started crying, I didn't recognize myself anymore.

Everything in me had changed, I know that the criticism from the media and the public eye towards me will be cruel so I have to prepare myself for the worst. I really wish I wasn't going to that fucking shitty event. Being forced to go makes me want to go even less.

This is fucking ridiculous, having to show up at an event just so my sponsors don't leave me.

Hours later my glam team arrived at my house, I tried to act like everything was okay with me but it was hard, it was horrible, I cried more than I would have liked ruining my makeup every time I did it, thankful that my makeup artist is very patient he let me cry as much as I had to cry without saying a word just hugging me trying to comfort me.

When I was finally ready with my makeup and hairstyle I went to put on my dress, I left my room without even bothering to look at myself in the mirror, I just want to get this night over with for good.
———-

Heyy guys!

So we have a Valentina's POV is sad but it's her reality 🥺😫, so what do you think will happen at the event????