Sure Thing • Gavi

Chapter 65: Turning A Page

🎶 Friendships (Lost My Love) — Pascal Letoublon, Leony 🎶

Gavi POV

Ana pulled away from the kiss first and quickly stood up.
"Erm... sorry... I'll go now" she stammered and hurried out the door.
What just happened? My emotional state was going down the drain. Why did I just do that? Fuck, I had cheated on Vicky. But I thought she's dead, do I still think that? My head was spinning and my knee was hurting. All of this just had to happen two days before my surgery. I needed my head for my recovery, and instead I had to worry about my presumably dead girlfriend and now my confused feelings for her best friend.

Maybe I should have tried and talked about this to someone, a friend, my parents or my sister, but truth is, I was ashamed. Ashamed that I didn't know where my feelings laid. Vicky was gone and Ana made me feel wanted and happy. But this wasn't how it was supposed to be. It was all too much, I was only 19, I had my first girlfriend and she died - or didn't, I don't even know. I had just discovered what love was. And now I was more confused than ever.

My surgery was just around the corner, and I was so afraid. The outcome of this would determine the rest of my career, which had barely just started. Of course I had already played more than 100 games in senior teams, but at 19, I surely had a good 15 more years in me - if I would ever recover from this. Mentally, I was strong, but I knew that I was impatient and patience was key in a journey like this. What I needed was Vicky with her cool head to keep me in check - but if she wasn't there who would? Of course I had my parents but with having a girlfriend now I felt that I had taken the next step, I had grown up and I didn't want to go back to being a mummy's boy who ran crying to her whenever the physio would give me bad news.

And if Vicky wasn't around anymore, I might as well give Ana a chance. She really seemed to like me and genuinely care - but I was honest with myself: I didn't feel even a minuscule fraction of what I felt when I first laid eyes on Vicky. She was my first great love, what I had intended to be my only one. But fate ripped her away from me - or had it been her ripping herself away from me? Tears continued streaming down my face while all those thoughts raced through my head.

My right hand took out my phone from my pocket and I went on X, where a leaked video of tonight's operation was already being shared thousands of times. My heart shattered into a million pieces when I saw that compound blow up, thinking that Vicky was still inside, made me cry out loud. Why did life had to be so cruel to me? What had I done to deserve this?

I underwent surgery on Tuesday and the doctor was in a good mood, happy with his work. After waking up from anaesthesia and being back in my room, I checked my phone for new messages. There was a flood from my friends and family, and also one from Ana.

Ana Cordero
Hey, I hope all went well
Sorry for how we left things on Sunday evening, our emotions were all running high...

I groaned, but still answered.

Gavi
They say it was successful, but I guess we'll only see when I'm back on the pitch 😔
Do you want to visit me?

She came over that evening and smuggled in a Happy Meal, which definitely won me over. Barca was playing Porto tonight and she asked me cautiously if I wanted to watch it, and I nodded. We actually had a lot of fun. She knew a bit about football, however nothing could compare to Vicky and her passion. She bled blaugrana like me, she had gotten that from her father's side of the family. All in all, she was just perfect for me. But my thoughts wandered back to Ana, as she asked me something about the offside rule. We were very happy with the result, even though I felt a sting in my heart - the team had finally qualified for the CL knockout stages and I wasn't going to be there.

But Ana found a way to keep the conversation going to distract me and the nurses had to come throw her out eventually as it had gotten so late - they were very generous with visiting hours as I was a VIP patient, but they needed me to rest and so I said goodbye. As soon as she left, the guilt started eating me up from inside. What was I doing? Why was I talking to her instead of praying and pleading for Vicky to come home to me? Why was it so hard for me to hold on to that small glimmer of hope there still was?

But on Thursday evening, that glimmer was shattered for once and for all. I had gotten back from hospital and was resting at home, while my parents were keeping me company in my misery, when someone knocked on the door. My Dad went to get it and came back with a tear-stained Kike, he was looking even more awful than on Sunday evening.
"No, no, no, no, no, no no!" I said, getting louder with every 'No' I spoke.
"They... they finished the search and rescue. They couldn't find anything." he sniffled in between tears.
"But... but that's a good sign! That means she made it out alive!" I shouted, a tear rolling down my face.
He just shook his head and continued crying. "The impact of the missile was right at the center of the prison cells. They say... oh God, I can't even speak it out loud, I don't want to imagine" he said and broke down. "They said the explosion probably tore her into a million pieces."
The picture my head constructed of that, broke my heart. This just couldn't be true, this stuff only happened in movies.

"Mum is in complete denial. She's sure she's still alive and is holding on to the thought that she might have made it out. Dad is being rational, but his heart is broken, he can't even think of what to do next. And I don't know what to think. I think I'll believe that she will come back, it's easier than grieving" he sobbed.
"She's gone" I whispered and broke down in tears.

Kike eventually left and my parents tried to comfort me, but it was no use. I cried the whole night into my pillow. The image of my girlfriend didn't leave my brain - she was everywhere. In my kitchen, laughing while we were cooking, in my bathroom brushing her perfect white teeth, in my bedroom in her underwear, waiting for me to make love to her. It was all so much, including the pain in my knee.

The next day, I asked my mother to drive to Montserrat with me, she looked very concerned. I had never voluntarily asked her to take me to church, but it was the last place Vicky and I visited together before she left. I lit a candle in the exact same place I did last time and cried. This was my way of saying goodbye to her, to the first love I had. But I needed to do this, I needed my mental strength for my recovery and I couldn't be like Kike or Maria, clinging to a small hope, while objectively speaking, there was no way she was alive.

On Sunday evening, Barca was playing again, this time in the league against Atlético, Joao's club, and I was ready to tune in. My parents had returned to Seville for the weekend with my sister as it was some aunt's birthday and I had to swear a hundred times that I was going to be alright. They were concerned as I had cried all of yesterday in front of the framed picture of Vicky and me, holding up my 100 games-shirt in front of La Masía, before I was able to stow it away somewhere in the house's cellar.

The house felt bigger than it actually was and the loneliness hit me as I watched the build-up to the match. My fingers moved automatically across my phone's keyboard.

Gavi
Do you want to watch the game with me tonight?

Ana Cordero
Sure! I'll be over in 20 😊

Everything was better than being alone in my misery, watching all my friends being on the pitch and me having to sit on my couch like a sad puppy whose owners were out. Ana came over and sat herself next to me. She looked pretty tonight, and she even smelled like Vicky, maybe they used the same perfume, it was making my senses go all wooshy wooshy.

It was a gripping game and the boys were really on fire tonight, through all the pain and bad stuff I was going through, the final whistle managed to put a smile on my face. When the game ended, I also noticed that our bodies had gotten closer and she looked at me too. In a swift motion, she sat herself on my lap and kissed me. I was so taken aback that I didn't know what to do, but when her perfume, scrap that, Vicky's perfume, flew into my nostrils, I couldn't stop myself and kissed her back, while shedding a tear.

Suddenly, I heard something fall onto the ground behind me and I quickly pulled away from Ana, looking in horror at what it was, maybe they were breaking into my house. But what I saw made my heart stand still.

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