𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃

' november 7th, 2033

ellie's pov:

trigger warning.

my whole body ached as i finally regained consciousness, staring up at the ceiling as it spun in never ending circles.

my head pounded and my heart felt as if it were going a thousand miles per hour as i struggled to pull myself out of the bathtub.

a multitude of thoughts raced through my mind as the sound of my parents banging on the door broke the silence between me and the water running.

'ellie, ellie, please ellie.' they begged as my mom screamed on the phone with the 911 operator.

sirens and horns filled the room from the open window as i passed out again, my body sliding to the end of the bathtub as the water dyed a light red.

i don't remember much, maybe because i was out for most of it.

this was nothing new for me as i have attempted before, and obviously didn't succeed.

many times, actually.

this is my what, fifth time already? you'd think my body would be immune to it by now.

this time was different though, normally i'd take a couple pills and wait to feel something but this time i took the whole bottle.

i've been so shit recently, i guess i wasn't thinking and threw them all down at once.

i know i'll regret this later.

not regret taking the pills, but regret not taking enough.

all i can recall is being lifted from the bathtub, my mom throwing a towel over me as a short, blonde haired paramedic preformed cpr on my lifeless body as they wheeled me into the flashing ambulance.

the red and orange lights lit the grass as they shut and locked the doors, tying an oxygen mask around my head as if i couldn't breathe on my own.

i woke up strapped to a cold hospital bed, the beeping from the monitors had woken me up.

nurses came rushing in and out of my room taking my blood and injecting random substances into my veins to 'help me get better.'

they never worked though.

i've been sitting in complete silence for what's felt like hours now.

i guess they didn't know i was alive. i knew i was alive, just too tired to show it.

i finally got the energy to look up, upon opening my eyes my vision became wobbly and distorted as i stared up at the painted ceiling tiles above me.

my eyes shot down to my arm, my wrist was cut so deeply there was no way i could've survived that.

i overheard everything as they rushed me to emergency care.

overheard as in my mind was there but i wasn't.

'it would take a miracle to save her, the amount of pills in her system made her body shut down. it's a surprise her heart is even still beating.'