𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃

'you're not normal'

ellie's pov:

i finally made it home, rubbing my eyes as i had slept the whole car ride.

"hey mom," i said as she cooked something on the stove, the smell immediately flooding my nose.

no response as usual.

i made my way upstairs, my bedroom door was closed. i don't remember closing it.

i slowly opened the door, dina's bag was on the floor while she stared up at me from my bed.

quickly shutting the door behind me i locked it tightly, turning to look at her. "why are you here?"

"i just want to talk, that's all."

"you can talk to me without stalking my location every two fucking seconds." i raise my voice a tad.

"i don't want us to be upset with each other, ellie. can we just talk this out and start over?"

i crossed my arms, shaking my head. "come on, please." she stands up. "say what you want."

i make my way to my desk, scooting my chair across the rug and crossing my legs.

"how i acted the other day was completely out of line," she began. "you think?"

"i promise i didn't mean it like that. you just worry me, ellie. i'm really scared for you."

"you have no reason to be." i shrug.

she got closer, sitting on the edge of my bed. "i do have a reason to be. i know what you're doing, and i want to hear you say it yourself."

"what am i doing?" i ask cluelessly. "i don't want to lose you, i can't lose you."

her words strike me silent like they always do, i hate how honest she is.

"this isn't normal, ellie. you're not normal." she adds, and i let out an exaggerated sigh.

"not normal?" i question, my voice cracking as the familiar stinging feeling spread across my throat.

"can you promise me one thing? that's all i ask of you right now." she tilts her head to the side.

i look up from the floor, holding my tears back as i nod my head.

"can you promise you'll keep fighting for me?" her voice breaks, "can you promise me that?"

all i did was shrug, looking down at the floor once again.

all that's replaying in my mind is what she said not even thirty seconds ago.

'this isn't normal, ellie. you're not normal.'

i take a deep breath before answering. "i don't want to make a promise i can't keep."

she goes silent for a couple of seconds while i scribble swirls and flowers across my desk with a pencil.

i quickly realized i said too much, immediately regretting ever answering. "i'm sorry," i said under my breath.

she chewed at her nails as a single tear fell from her eye, her face going red.

"please don't do this to me, to your family. we love you more than anything." she begs, and i shake my head.

"no they don't,"

i hate that she doesn't know what goes on behind closed doors.

i wish i could tell her but i don't want to add another worry to her.

she got up from her seat, sitting on the floor beside me. "i can't let you go." she admits.

"i can't go on without you, ellie. what part of that do you not understand?" her voice cracks.

all i could do was apologize, i know i'm not leaving any time soon but i don't want her to try and 'save' me.

the truth is she could save me, i just don't want her to. she doesn't deserve someone like me.

all my life i wondered where my place was, why i was here in the first place.

why should i start caring now, once my life has already gone to shit?

there's no going back.

dina's pov:

all i could do was look up at ellie as she avoided any eye contact with me, no matter how many times i called her name.

i lightly put my hand on her thigh, rubbing it with my thumb.

"i won't go through this again." i sniffled, bringing up something i've never told anyone about.

"i lost my best friend to suicide last year, why do you have to be next?"

she finally looks up, teary eyed with her mouth ajar. "i'm so sorry," was all she said, rubbing the top of my head as i stood up.

"please don't go."

she thought for a moment before nodding, giving me somewhat hope that maybe she'll consider staying. "so?"

we sat in silence, "i-i don't know what to say." she whispered, chewing at her cuticles.

"just promise you won't go, for me?"

"i promise." i knew she was lying, but i didn't say anything.

i stood up, pulling her in for a hug rubbing the center of her back as she wrapped her arms around my waist.

"i love you so much." i whisper, kissing the top of her head.

all she did was hum as she let go, turning her chair in the opposite direction. "i think you should go."

i paused, grabbing my stuff. "if that's what you want, fine. i'll go." i sigh, slinging my bag over my arm.

"but remember, you promised."

875 words.