𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃

how we used to be

ellie's pov:

i sat beside dina, we haven't said a word nor looked at each other all day.

i haven't stopped crying since last night and i can tell she hasn't either.

part of me wants to apologize for everything that happened and move on, but i know that would result in us getting close again.

i need her to hate me, she can't keep coming back.

i miss how we used to be. by that i mean staying the fuck away from each other.

the teacher handed us both a paper, jokingly placing dina's on top of her head.

as she looked up the paper fell making a loud crinkle noise, i couldn't hold back my laugh. she groaned, irritated.

maybe dina was right about last night.

she's not my best friend, she's not my friend in general.

i often feel like she's just using be as a distraction from her own problems.

or i could be overthinking, i guess i'll never know.

i began to work on my paper, dina looking over my shoulder as i faced the other way.

"i can feel you looking at me." i say, loud enough for her to hear me. "i know,"

i knew she was copying my answers, so i covered them. i'm done giving in.

"oh whatever." she shook her head. "oh whatever," i mock, in the same voice she does me.

"don't copy me." she sighed, i knew she was trying not to laugh at me. "oh so it's alright when you do it but when i do it it's wrong, huh?"

"exactly," she whispers.

i chuckle, turning my attention back to my work. i'm only on the second question.

well not on it, drawing around it i should say.

i have piles upon piles of unfinished work in my room, its not like a single paper more would hurt anything.

it would but you get it.

the bell rang, i stood up while dina laid her head in her arms. she was sleeping it seemed like.

i didn't want to wake her up, just to be petty but i did anyway. "hey, didi?" i whisper, shaking her a bit. "don't call me that."

"whatever, come on. class is over."

she stood up, practically dragging herself out of class. she ran into the wall a couple times making me laugh, but she genuinely didn't look good.

"have you slept yet?" i ask, and she nods. no she
didn't. "alright," i shrug.

it's finally lunch, my favorite time of the day.

not because of the eating part but because it's the only time i get to be alone.

the group at my table moved because they 'didn't want to be seen with me'.

if anything that's more of a gift on my end. they were loud anyway.

i threw my empty lunchbox on the table as i sat down, resting my head on it. i haven't slept at all yet.

sometimes i'd catch myself falling asleep, my body jerking every time i did.

sleeping feels impossible now.

"hey ellie," i feel hands rubbing my back, i didn't recognize them.

i looked up, it was a teacher.