𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃

wherever she is now

dina's pov:

it's been exactly a month since ellie's passing, ellie's family, my family and i are all on our way to decorate her grabe for her anniversary.

i didn't say much the entire car ride, mainly because there wasn't much to say anyway.

abby say beside me, her and talia have only gotten closer since they met in the waiting room that night.

good for her honestly, she barely has any friends anyway.

flowers and orange decorations filled both the backseat ans the trunk as we drove behind ellie's mom to her gravesite, the closer we got i felt the pit in my stomach grow larger and larger.

we finally made it, ellie's dad decided to stay in the car while we all went to celebrate or whatever.

i didn't really understand that, what is there to celebrate? 'hooray, my girlfriend is dead!'

so stupid.

"dina, come on." my sister held my hand as we made our way down the rows and rows of stones, every once in awhile i'd stop and read some of their names.

"wonder what got them here." i chuckled as i read the '1812-1843' on a stone in front of us.

at last we reached ellie's stone, alone in the back which i hated. she was buried next to her dad which makes it a bit better but why does she have to be alone.

i'm sure it's not that serious.

ellie's mom stood beside me as we unpacked trash bags full of decorations, if ellie were here she'd sob of both happiness and sadness.

i hope she can see us from wherever she is.

"you wanna help?" her mom hands me a bouquet of orange tulips and beige lilies with a smile, of course i said yes.

i find it weird that they knew her favorite color, they barely even paid attention to her from what i've heard.

not only that, but her favorite flowers aswell? weird.

i didn't think much of it, sticking the vase into the dirt before neatly spreading thr flowers, being sure to leave the orange ones in the front for her.

"you like it?" i say as if she was there beside me, smiling as i pat the top of the stone.

a couple hours went by and we were finally finished, by now the stone was practically hidden behind all the decorations.

her shoes were there aswell, i'm not sure how they got those but whatever.

with a sigh i allowed a few tears to shes from my eyes as talia rubbed my back, we all stood in a line admiring the beautiful sight.

"i'm gonna head home, got some stuff in the crockpot for dinner tonight. care to join us?" her mom looks over at me and talia, abby aswell but i don't really pay attention to her.

"i mean, sure why not?"

—

it's now 5pm, talia, abby and i are all waiting for dinner at ellie's house.

i haven't been at ellie's for awhile it seems, the smell of the house immediately gave me flashbacks. it's a scent i can't describe.

apple cinnamon? japanese cherry blossom? i'm not quite sure. either way i can tell her mom picked it out.

i'd say it smells like ellie, if that even had a scent.

"hope you like beef stew, it was ellie's favorite." she says placing the crockpot on the table, the delicious smell flooding my nose.

beef stew sounds like something she'd like honestly, she was weird like that.

we all went around sharing our favorite memories with or of ellie, of course when it got to me i couldn't stop talking until talia finally covered my mouth.

i wish she knew how many people loved and cared for her, i wish she was aware of how many she'd be leaving behind.

i wish this, i wish that.
and i can wish as much as i want but it won't bring her back, i just need to accept it.

because she obviously wasnt in the right state of mind when we met, and there was nothing i could do about it besides stay by her side until she couldn't hang on anymore.

i don't blame ellie for what she did, it really is a cruel world out there.

if i was in her shoes i'd do the same.

and i pray wherever she is now she's finally able to smile without getting guilty about it.

742 words.