𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃

you'd be better off

ellie's pov:

i pulled out my notebook once again, twirling my pen between my fingers.

i began to write, anything that was on my mind goes onto this paper.

january 26, 2034

a couple months until graduation, only a month after that and i'm gone. i'm more excited to get this
shit over with than anything.

me and dina have been getting a little too close for comfort lately. she took me on two dates, we've kissed, it's all getting to be too much.

now's my chance to avoid her, wether she likes it or not. she'll only blame me once i'm finally gone
and she's yet to get over me.

why does she like me so much? genuinely.
i'm just a girl, i can't save her.

— el.

i chuckled at the last sentence, shutting my notebook when i heard the front door open.

my dads voice roared across the house as i lowered my music, he always hated music. "ellie?" he called.

"yeah?" i shouted back, opening my door. "i brought groceries, put them away."

i sighed walking out, i hate when they do that. why buy food for yourself if you can't even put it away?

obeying his orders i walked downstairs, dozens of boxes lined across the countertop as my mom and dad sat comfy on the couch.

they didn't even look in my direction as i struggled to lift the gallons of water, grunting as i threw them into the fridge.

about an hour went by and i was finally finished, wiping the sweat from my forehead. "you're welcome," i said to my dad. no response.

i made my way upstairs, throwing myself into bed and laying down.

everything feels so dull and boring without dina here, i know i should be happy she's not up my ass but i'm not.

i never wanted to hurt her, i never wanted to make her worry for me.

the truth is i couldn't give two shits about me or my mental health.

it's a surprise i'm even still here.

goosebumps spread across my body as the cold air from my window blows onto me, i cuddled up into my blanket.

if dina was here she'd be all over me, turning on the heater and snuggling into my neck.

i really shouldn't be thinking about her right now but it's impossible.

i thought about earlier. the way i kicked her out was beyond me, i feel horrible.

how could i do something like that? all she wants to do is save me, it's a shame she can't.

the countdown replays in my mind every time i close my eyes.

four months four months four months.

fuck, could it go by any slower?

i turned my music up in attempt to tune out my thoughts, cuddling into my blanket.