𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃

'to be loved'

dina's pov:

on my walk home from the tattoo shop, admiring the beautiful orange butterfly clip now painted on my left forearm beside a lyric from the song 'yellow' by coldplay; i started realizing some things about myself i didn't quite yet understand until now.

after years of denial i've finally brought myself to accept that ellie's gone.

i've learned to become well with the fact that there was nothing i could've possibly done to save her,
and even if i did it wouldn't have lasted for long.

i'm 25 now, i'm fully ready to let go.

—

the box i was gifted by ellie before she passed sat in front of me as i struggled to get the ribbon off, chuckling as i practically ripped the box in pieces.

"think you got it tight enough?" i smile as i slowly open the top.

i was immediately bombarded with piles upon piles of polaroids, some of which had her signature on it.

a single tear ran down my cheek as i admired her face, placing those aside as i picked up a notebook.

'read when you're ready' it read with a shooting star drawing, i smiled before flipping to the first page.

wiping my tears i began to read.

november 8th, 2033

i'm sitting in lunch right now, you're across the room from me with your head down.

you look upset, is it because of me?

also how the hell did you get my snapchat? i don't even give that out, you stalker.

— el, 12:46pm.

"i have my ways." i laugh as i flip the page.

november 11th, 2033

you woke me up with your snoring earlier, now i have to sleep on the couch tonight but it's okay.
who would've known someone as tiny as you could make so much noise?

it honestly is kinda cute though, the way you squeeze my arm when you're dreaming is adorable.

i don't know how to feel right now, do i like you? is this what being in love feels like?

— el, 4:01am.

"so you really were in love with me? you're such a dick, you know that?"

december 24th, 2033

to be loved is to be changed.

"the hell does that mean?" i smile softly i flip towards the end of the book, skimming through a couple pages.

june 15th, 2034

one more long day until i'm gone, i'm so sorry i pushed you away i just needed some time to think. take good care of my pup for me please, i'm sure this will hurt him the most.

i'm sorry i won't get to see you grow like you wanted me to, i promise i'll watch over like your own guardian angel.

go get that job you wanted, i heard you got approved anyway. i'm so proud of you!!!