𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃

someday, sometime

dina's pov:

it's now 8am, i still haven't slept while ellie's sound asleep in my lap now.

her parents got home about an hour ago but i haven't heard them since, maybe they're asleep.

my stomach growled as ellie turned over, now facing me as i ran my hands through her hair. slowly pushing her aside i made my way downstairs.

i sneaked past her parents cracked door, peeking in to see her mom folding laundry while her dad snores loudly on the other end of her bed.

luckily she didn't see me, completely tuning me out as i grabbed a bag of chips from the pantry.

"ellie?" her mom called assuming it was her, i quickly shoved the bag into my hoodie pocket and ran upstairs. "you better not be fucking ignoring me."

locking the door behind me i turned around, ellie's now at her desk.

she quickly turned around, shutting her notebook as she did so. "what's that?" i ask, pointing.

"i uh- nothing, i was drawing." she stutters. "really, can i see?"

"no, it's secret."

i chuckle before sitting down, opening the bag and throwing my trash into the bin.

she sat beside me, picking at her fingers. "i think you should go," she finally said quietly.

"why?" i ask with a yawn. "i'm sorry."

quickly finishing my chips i threw the bag in the trash, grabbing my tote and heading to the door.

i hate when she kicks me out like this.

not saying a word i left, her sniffles to be heard from the end of the stairs. i quickly pulled out my phone before shutting the door.

| me
i love you angel

| my angel <3
lyt

i locked the door before her parents could see me, taking the shortcut across her yard.

my sister was finally off of work for the day so i made my way to her bedroom. "hey tal," i said settling down on her bed.

"ew, why are you here?" she joked, bringing her attention back to her computer. "one, don't be a dick. and two, i have some news."

she sighed as she turned around, "this better be more important than my minecraft horse farm."

"okay so," i began, smiling ear to ear. "i applied for harvard, i doubt i'll get in but it's worth a try."

her jaw dropped, "what, since when?"

i chuckled to myself as i tried to put my excitement into words. "since last week, they're supposed to reach out soon."

"i've been checking my email since i applied, it's so surreal to me."

she pulled me in for a hug, "i just know you'll get in, watch." she smiled as she let go. "still jealous that you did that before me though."

i rolled my eyes playfully as i went back to my room, checking my email once again. nothing.

ellie's pov:

i laid against the trunk of my favorite tree, twirling my pen between my fingers.

i've been trying to write more letters to dina then before, i want her to have something to look back on when i'm not here anymore.

she was rambling on about how she's waiting for an email back from harvard, i know she's gonna get in.

she's smart for the way she acts, you'd think she wouldn't be anywhere near graduating.

my birthday is in a couple of days, i plan to spend it alone. not that i ever do anything for special occasions but.

i wouldn't really call a birthday 'special', growing up happens to everyone. why celebrate it?

one year closer to death, why are you happy about that?

i looked around at the flock of birds flying in a 'v' shape above my head, they looked pretty.

i've always had a love for animals, i tell dina all the time about how i want to come back as a blue jay. if that whole 'reincarnation' thing is even real.

imagine how peaceful it is; floating around without a care in the world. not having to worry about anything.

everyone looks at you like the most beautiful thing they've ever seen, and it's almost impossible for them to ignore your vibrant color.

i wish to be that important one day.

finally getting a grip onto my own i began to write, holding back tears as i did so.

june 8th, 2034

hi baby, i'm sorry for kicking you out like i did earlier. i know i say it a lot but i just need time.

one more week until i'm gone, as much as i hate lying to you i know if i told you i'd only make it worse.

i'm at the park we went to for our first date right now, the birds are chirping in my ear as i write this.

remember that time i told you i want to come back as a blue jay? i really hope you do.

keep your eyes open for one, okay?

i know it's pretty rare to see a blue jay now, especially with this weather but i promise to find you.

i can't promise i'll stay that long though, but i hope the thought of my soul in that bird puts a smile on your face. that same pretty smile you always have.

i love you, didi ❦

— el.

i shut the book with a smile, throwing it aside as i laid back. a little sparrow sat beside me, i tried my hardest not to move as i didn't want to scare it away.

"hey pretty boy," i said looking over. "you hungry?"

i always feel some sort of connection to birds, in a way i can't explain. is that weird?

joel would always bring little packs of bread to throw out for the birds when i was a kid.

we'd go on walks to this exact park because this is where they hangout the most. i guess that's why i'm so drawn to this park.

reaching into my bag i pulled out a half empty bag of potato chips, i didn't plan on eating them so i guess the birds deserve it more.

throwing a couple out in front of me i watched as the bird pecked on it, splitting it in half before flying away with it in it's mouth.

i couldn't help but smile as he flew, i always find it so funny how they carry things with no arms.

someday, sometime i pray to become one with them, have my own flock or whatever.

i know i shouldn't get excited for it but i am, part of me is trying to convince myself that life after death is just plain darkness, i never was religious anyway.

maybe there's a possibility i'll go to heaven, or maybe i sit in complete darkness for all eternity.

i won't get into it, i'm sure it confuses you just as much as it does me.

7 days.