𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃

push me away

ellie's pov:

it's the day before christmas eve, the sound of my phone ringing woke me up.

i'm now running on a couple minutes of sleep. i tried to ignore it for as long as i could but it wouldn't stop, i eventually got up to answer it.

lo and behold, it was dina.

with a sigh i answered, not saying anything until she did.
"hey babe" she greeted, and i shook my head.

"what do you want?" i ask. "to see you"

"what did i tell you about that?" i reminded her. i keep telling her i don't want to get close, clearly she's not taking the hint.

"what did i tell you about that?" she laughed in a mocking tone.

all i did was shake my head, irritated. i wanted to sound like i was mad at her but like i said she's too sweet.

"i'll be there soon." was all she said before hanging up, barely even giving me a chance to respond.

i quickly wiped the dried tears from my face, throwing on a hoodie and switching on my fan.

it was pretty cold outside but it's whatever, at least i have an excuse to have a hoodie on.

a couple minutes went by and i finally heard a knock at my front door. then another, and another.

the familiar beat of the knocks reminded me who it was, i somehow forgot she was coming.

"hurry the fuck up i'm freezing," her voice called from the other side of the door, laughing.

i slowly unlocked it, peeking through as snow stuck to the ground. "hey pretty" she greeted, pulling me in for a hug knowing i can't hug her back.

"don't" was all i said.

we headed over to my bedroom, shutting the door behind us. nothing was said between us as we sat in somewhat comfortable silence, dina got up to turn off the fan.

"can i ask you something?" she eventually asks, looking over at me with those same beady eyes.

i nodded, and she took a deep breath. "why do you push me away?"

her words strike me silent as my eyes shoot down to my feet, unable to explain.

"i'm serious, who could've hurt you that bad that you feel as if you can't get close to anyone anymore?"

i knew exactly why, i'm not gonna tell her that though. it sucks having to constantly worry who's gonna use me for my body or take advantage of me next.

i've learned to be more cautious about it, you can't really get hurt if you don't have anyone who could.

"hello?" she waves a hand in my face snapping me out of whatever zone i was in. "i asked you a question,"

"i-i don't know." i stutter out quietly.

"i want to help you, ellie. i want to show you that you can trust people without feeling guilty about it."

she adds, scooting closer to me. "you deserve the love you give out returned to you."

i try my hardest to fight the tears as she rubbed my back, my body tensing. what love do i give out to other people? i don't even speak for fucks sake.

i'm sure she's only saying that because she feels bad, just like everyone else does.

it's not really out of sympathy, the truth is they couldn't give less of a fuck about me or my feelings if they're honest.