𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃

she's not herself

ellie's pov:

i laid on the end of abby's bed while she stared up at her tv, she's been playing gta for hours.

me and her haven't hangout for what feels like forever, considering i'm gone in about a week and a half i thought now would be the best time.

"can i try?" i ask sitting up, grabbing one of her spare controllers. "if you don't fuck up my kill streak."

"you keep track of that shit?" i chuckle as she resets her tv. "and so what if i do?"

"you're so weird."

—

i'm finally home, laying on the end of me bed i began to unpack everything.

my dog was somehow fed this morning, i assumed dina had come over or my parents magically appeared to care for him for once in their life.

i've been listening to 'the night we met' on repeat since graduation, i don't know why i like this song so much i just do.

not for the lyrics or anything, but because dina was the one who introduced it to me.

i tried avoiding it for god knows how long but i can't get it out of my head.

dina doesn't know i'm home right now. actually, i take that back. knowing her she watched me walk through the door.

i finally sat up grabbing the folded clothes from my suitcase and throwing them out onto my bed.

"ellie?" i heard a familiar voice call from the top of the stairs, i knew exactly who it was.

trying to stay as still as possible in hopes maybe she'd assume i wasn't home, i listened as her footsteps grew closer and closer until they finally reached my door.

"i know you're in there, you idiot." dina chuckled knocking before opening the door. "what do you want?" i sigh irritably.

"you," she sat down beside me. "that's what i want."

i continued to finish unpacking while she sat in silence, staring up at my galaxy projector.

'the night we met' began to play once again, i guess i tuned it out and forgot it was on.

i heard dina chuckle as she turned up the volume. "what happened to not liking this song?" she asked horribly harmonizing with the intro.

"i never said that." i replied lowly.

'i had all and then most of you, some and now none of you. take me back to the night we met.'

"this song reminds me of you," dina said with a smirk as i sat down beside her, throwing my now empty suitcase onto my desk. "why?" i chuckle.

"the lyrics, the beat, just listen."

she laid back shutting her eyes as i stared back at her. "and you call me weird? yeah," i scoff.

"how is that weird?" she opens her eyes to make eye contact with me. "i don't know, it just is."

the song finally finished as i reached over to switch it off, sitting in complete silence.

"you know ellie," dina began, making me jump as she broke the silence with her obnoxiously loud voice.

"could you imagine how cool it would be if we had our own house together?" she smiles. "like a farmhouse? my biological dad always wanted one of those."

i couldn't help but smile aswell, i often feel like joel sent dina to me with the amount of things she knew about him despite never meeting him.

let alone even knowing he existed.

"my dad always wanted a farmhouse, a white farmhouse to be exact." i rambled on, "with a giant yard and a flock of sheep. maybe ten to twenty."

"he used to take me to this old abandoned farmhouse down at our old house, we would bring a blanket and a lantern and sit on the floor while eating lunch."

i sighed, i felt like i was about to cry but i held back. "gosh, i miss him so much."

"we should get a farmhouse one day, just the two of us. away from anyone or anything that could possibly break us apart." dina smiled rubbing my back.

"maybe in a couple years or something."

i sighed, allowing a single tear to fall from my face while she wasn't looking. "i wish,"

all i can think about is how bad this is gonna hurt. only a week and a half and she'll never see me again, i hate that she's making plans for our future already.

part of me wants to tell her we can't, then again i like hearing her ramble about all the stuff she wants to do with me when we get older.

well she, i should say. "what do you mean you wish?" she asks, furrowing her eyebrows.

"nothing, sorry."

i heard her hum as she laid back once again, turning on a song from our playlist.

"you remember this?" she smirked as the intro to 'yellow' by coldplay began to play. "come on, let's dance."

she pulled me up from the bed, wrapping one hand around my waist with the other interlocking our fingers.

we swayed back and fourth to the beat, well her more so dragging me but it's whatever. "you're so pretty," she said pulling a strand of hair behind my head. "you know that?"

"enough with the sweet talk." a say with a slight smile, and she shrugs. "i'm being serious."

"your nose, your eyes, your lips," she leaned closer, kissing me once. "you're perfect."

dina's pov:

ellie looked down, her face flushing a bright red as she failed to cover it.

"lay down, angel." i say, pulling her pillow up towards her head.

i got up to close the blinds as she laid in silence, yawning a couple times.

laying beside her i wrapped my arm around her waist, kissing her cheek. "i love you." i heard her whisper as she dug her head into my chest.

"i love you more, my angel."

i listened as her breathing began to slow, she fell asleep on me. i missed this feeling.

even though we didn't speak for a couple of days i still missed her more than anything. is it weird that i miss her now?

while she lays in front of me, i still miss her somehow. it's like she's there but she's not.

she's not herself.

1,051 words.