𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃

that's just life

ellie's pov:

i've been contemplating blocking dina while i still have the chance, it's exactly two weeks until i'm gone.

i seriously feel like i'm giving her the wrong idea.

she's attached to me it seems and i know that'll only grow more and more as time goes on.

hell, it's been six months since we first started talking and she's convinced i'm her wife or something.

i sat with the cards she had gifted me over the past few months of us knowing each other, i'd be lying if i said i didn't cry going through them.

what if she's like that with me, except there's nothing she can do to bring me back?

i know i'm gonna feel shitty for not staying for her but the truth is i can't, i can't keep dedicating my life to people who i know will leave eventually.

in the end they all leave, that's just life. i've come to accept that.

dina hasn't texted me all night, i can't really be talking though because i've had her messages muted since i texted her 'i love you' last night.

i jumped as my dad swung open my door, that same stern look on his face as he leaned against the door frame.

"your mom and i are putting you back in therapy." he says, his voice echoing off my bare walls.

"why?"

"don't ask questions, just know you're going. be ready by 2pm tomorrow."

i nodded, sighing dramatically as he shut my door. why are they putting me in it now?

they probably found something of mine, my old notebook probably.

i purchased a new one the other day after my dog chewed it up, luckily i didn't have anything written inside.

my letters to dina are shoved in a shoebox in the back of my closet, i taped it shut so i'd hear if my parents somehow got into it.

piles upon piles of letters are stacked in there, i don't know how many more i can fit before it explodes.

i know i'll only need to write a couple more before i'm done, i want to make these last few worth it.

i reached for my notebook once again, getting up to lock my door before grabbing a new pen. i broke my other one.

clicking it like i always do i began to write.

june 2nd, 2034

two more weeks until i'm gone, i'm sorry for ghosting you like i did i just need time, y'know?

time to think about all this if that makes sense. i feel like i'm always getting in your way and now's my chance to make it up to you.

i'm sorry for being so secretive, i know it
worries you but i can't help it.

i have to do this.

— el.

tears started flowing from my eyes as i closed the book, i don't know why i've been so emotional lately i just am.

maybe it's because i know dina will do something stupid if i leave.

all i want is to see her to succeed in life, wether i'm there with her or not.