stars will fall

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ellie's pov:

i sat beside dina in complete silence as the teacher graded our homework.

as much as i wanted to say something i knew i couldn't, i'm supposed to 'hate' her.

i feel childish for not forgiving her, the truth is i want her to hate me.

i want her to stop talking to me so she can move on, i can't let her go like that.

i can't allow her to rely on me for her own happiness, i don't even have my own.

she sat with her head on her hands, dozing off a couple times. i caught her head every time it fell.

i didn't let her thank me, though.

she kept her eyes glued to her phone as the teacher went on, passing out notes.

i'm so used to having her help me with my work, i haven't done anything in weeks.

"thank you," she thanked the teacher as she grabbed the paper, handing me one aswell.

all i did was smile slightly before turning to look in the other direction, pulling my sleeves down.

i relapsed once again, i know i should've learned my lesson by now but i haven't.

well i have, i just choose to ignore it.

trying to convince myself that i'm not in love with dina has been the hardest, i feel so gross not apologizing and starting over.

maybe i should?

no, i'm not responsible for her actions.

well that's what i'm telling myself, i know i provoked her enough to make her say those things.

maybe i'm just going too far, i do that a lot. it's the sensitivity in me, i suppose.

the class went silent, we had a couple extra minutes before class ended for the day.

i turned to dina, staring at her as she laid her head in her arms. "you alright?" i say quietly, my voice cracking.

all she did was look up, nodding slightly, barely enough for me to see her move. "be honest with me,"

"i said i'm fine, ellie." she sounded angry.

her tone made me flinch, i hate being yelled at. tone changes in general, i should say.

i connected my earbuds to my phone, searching for my school playlist.

'stars will fall' by duster began to play.

i always have this song on repeat during school, it helps me focus.

i don't know if it's the beat or the man's voice singing slowly in the background, either way it's calming.

i rested my head in my arms, copying dina.

she finally smiled as we made eye contact. "fuck, you know i can't be mad at you."

i held back a smile as she spoke, i can't let her back in. "no, dina."

"yes, ellie." she mocked.

the bell rang and everyone jumped up, including me. "ellie, wait-" i heard her call but i ignored, heading to the bathroom to check my face.

my mascara was smudged, i grabbed the backup tube in my bag and began swiping it against my eyelashes.

i heard the door swing open, i assumed it was another girl waiting to use the bathroom until i saw a strand of black hair.

"i can see you." i chuckled softly as she hid behind the wall which separated the actual bathroom from the door.

"you got me." she came out with her arms up.

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