𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃

and strangers again

dina's pov:

i brought my knees to my chest as i rocked back and forth, sitting in the roof of my house.

all i can think about is why i am the way i am. maybe it's because much of me is left unseen.

or because i put other's feelings before my own.

i feel it's harder to explain how i really feel because the truth is i don't know.

i don't know why i'm like this i just am.

yeah i'd love to have some sort of therapist, someone i can go to that'll help me with my problems as much as i do theirs, but i hate the feeling of being vulnerable.

talking about my problems makes me feel weak, like i'm not mature enough to take care of them myself.

as much as i love being asked the 'are you okay?' question, i know deep down i can never tell them the truth.

deep down i can't tell them the reason i burn myself with lighters and cut myself with blades any chance i get to be alone.

why i starve myself for days and stay up until six in the morning wondering what my place is on this planet.

my friends don't even reach out to me anymore, maybe that's why i 'rely' on ellie as someone to take my mind off of everything.

i don't want to call her a distraction, but maybe she is one.

disney world in two weeks, i'm trying to distract myself by using that but i can't.

there's so much going on in my head i don't know how much longer i can contain it.

one more argument and it's all going to spill without my control.

everyone looks at me as the person who's always there for everyone.

the person who's always walking on the grass to make sure the friend group doesn't get their shoes dirty.

the one who's always taking the group photo, but never the one in it.

i sacrifice so much for other people, but what do they do for me?

ellie's led lights finally changed, i saw the color darken in the corner of my eye.

they're now red, and flickering.

i keep checking my phone just to see if she finally unblocked me, no luck.

"didi?" my mom called, walking out to the grass as she looked up at me.

finally making my way down i jumped into a patch of grass, my ankles stinging as i did.

"dinner's on the table," my mom said, i walked in as my nose flooded with the smell of freshly cooked food. "thanks, mom."

i sat down at my usual spot, pulling out my phone. i waited for the 'no phones at the table' comment from my dad before turning it off.

my parent's have noticed my change in behavior lately, i wish i could tell them what's really wrong.

my excuse is that schools tiring me out, they somehow believe it every time.

i scratched my plate with my fork, the sound of metal scraping against the dish made a loud screeching loud.

"phones, girls." my dad held his hand out, i stacked my phone atop talia's.

my mom began to dish out everything, placing the crock pot in the center of the table.

me and talia both sighed, every crock pot dinner was always the worst.

we ate it, obviously. but still.

—

i'm alone in my room, holding back tears as my throat began to burn.

i don't know why i'm crying if i'm honest, i have nothing to cry about.

well i do, just not right now.

ellie's led light switched back to blue, making me chuckle.

normally she's asleep by now. or maybe she's up all night like i am.

i glanced over at my wrists, you can probably guess what happened there.

i plugged my headphones into my phone before placing them in my ears, laying back and closing my eyes.

'strange' by celeste played first, i just started listening to this song again.

it reminds me of me and ellie's relationship, sounds cheesy i know. but it's true.

my favorite part of the song began to play, the one i relate to me and ellie.

'isn't it strange? how people can change.
from strangers to friends, friends into lovers,
and strangers again.'

her raspy voice seemed to have some sort of medicine, i let out a breath of air i didn't even know i was holding in.

i felt calm, the intense shocking feeling in my throat slowly began to wash away.

i'm now focused on the music. the slow piano playing in the back, and her voice.

the song finally ended, and my room went silent. i immediately rushed to change the song.

i can't sit in silence for too long, i get in my head too much and start hearing things.

i settled with 'the night we met' by lord huron.

the song i played for ellie the first time we hung out. she said she liked it.

sometimes i'll hear it blasting from her open window when i'm walking outside.

i'm glad we have some things in common, one being our music taste. it's nice to have a friend.

or whatever this is.

ellie's pov:

my mom and dad have been fighting since i got home from school over god knows what.

all i could make out was my mom yelling at him after she found pictures of other women in his phone.

i wrapped myself in my blanket, sighing as i pressed my pillow against my ears.

i miss the nights when dina would cover my ears for me, pulling me into her chest and humming until they stopped.

i miss when she'd kiss my forehead and tell me she loved me every second.

i know i shouldn't miss her, it's not good for my health.
i just can't help it.

the yelling went quiet after awhile, followed by a slam of the front door. my dad ran out to the car before backing out, not looking back.

hopefully they finally broke up, i can't stand another night of this.

just another friday night i guess.

1,032 words