𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃

hold me close

dina's pov:

i pulled ellie's hair behind her shoulders, letting the cold air from her fan blow into her face.

"you're alright, i got you." i reassured her, rubbing her back as she continued to copy my breathing. "there you go," i whisper.

she finally got up, collapsing as she did so. "ah ah, sit down." i say, pulling her into my lap.

her eyes were bloodshot red, her face too. her lips were glossy and pinker than usual.

her eyebags were practically dark purple now.

she began to cry again as she looked at me, this time a lot louder. "shh shh, you're home, hold me close."

her grip around my waist tightened as i played with her hair, wiping her tears with my sleeve.

"you're okay, everything's okay." i repeat over and over as her body seems to go limp in my arms.

ellie's pov:

"it's not okay, dina." i shout, backing away from her. "remember, this isn't normal?"

"you're right, it isn't. and that's why i'm here." she says, trying to pull me back but i yank my arm away.

"i don't need your fucking help, dina." i snap, tears still streaming from my eyes.

she goes silent, looking up at me for a moment. "alright then," she shrugged, getting up. "no, no. dina i'm sorry." i immediately regret what i said.

"what happened to not needing my help?" she said in a mocking tone.

i don't say anything for a moment, turning around as i rip at my hair.

my sleeves slid up for a moment, revealing the fresh cuts i had did on myself not even ten minutes ago.

"ellie?" dina says in a more calming type of voice now. "dina, don't."

without word she yanks my arm, pulling up my sleeve. "ellie i- what?"

she runs a finger over the cuts, i wince at the pain.

"who did this?" she asks, knowing damn well who did it. "dina," was all i could say.

"why the fuck would you do this?"

i begin to cry again, collapsing onto the ground as she stood before me. she falls down with me, trying to pull me in for a hug but i push her away.

"just leave, please. just go." i beg and plead, but she refuses. "i'm not leaving you like this."

"please dina, just go." i raise my voice, glaring at her as she sat in front of me. "i'm not going anywhere, i don't trust you to be alone."

i glanced over at the bloody blade which laid beside me, trying to scoot it behind me before she noticed but failing.

"i'm taking these, too." she said, shoving the blade in her pocket.

"no, dina. i need them, you don't understand."

"you don't need shit, ellie. this isn't good for you at all, and if i have to be the one to tell you that then so be it."

"you need help, serious help."

i shake and whine as she leaves through the window, screaming as she left.

she didn't look back once, shaking her head as she walked away faster than usual.

all i could do was sit and cry, i should be used to crying alone but now it's hitting harder than usual.

four more months, four more months.