𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃

afraid to love

ellie's pov:

i was woken up by the smell of cooking food, lifting my head from the pillow i made my way downstairs.

my parents aren't supposed to be home for another month, they told me they're going on a 'business trip' and are headed across the country.

i assumed i had just forgotten about something on the stove last night until i heard the sound of footsteps. familiar footsteps.

getting closer i immediately knew who it was, turning the corner i watched as dina threw a stack of pancakes onto a small plate.

she turned around, jumping when she saw me. "aren't you supposed to be asleep?" she asks.

i shook my head, turning to head upstairs before she stopped me.

"i'm just kidding dimwit, stay here with me." she laughs, pulling me by my wrist.

i winced at the pain as she pulled me closer, swaying me to the beat of the music playing from her phone.

"i made you a little something," she smiled turning to hand me a small plate of stacked pancakes, strawberries and blueberries on top.

"where did you even find these?" i asked with a chuckle.

"i dug them up in the front yard," she joked. "the pantry, you idiot."

i couldn't help but laugh, not that she was funny at all just the fact that she somehow found those before me without even knowing her way around my house.

"oh yeah," she began pulling out her phone "my sister wants to know if you want to go run errands with us later on today."

i held back my excitement as she asked me that, i've always wanted to go shopping like all the other kids my age.

but that has one downside, i'm risking us getting closer than we already are, i can't have that.

"i uh-" i began, but she cut me off. "perfect, i'll see you then."

i sighed taking a bite of the pancake.

it was honestly the worst thing i had ever put into my mouth but i tried my hardest to make it seem amazing.

i didn't want to go out, even though it's always been my dream to explore outside of town i knew it would only result in us getting closer than we already are.

i tried my hardest to think of an excuse as she danced around the kitchen, my dog jumping at her feet.

"hey uh, can i talk to you?" i ask nervously, she turns around with a smile. "of course, anytime."

"i don't really think i can go today, i'm sorry. my parent's are supposed to be home later."

her smile faded as i spoke, "oh that's fine, we can just leave earlier."

"no, dina, that's not what i meant."

i brought a hand to my face as i covered my panic. "i just don't think we should get close, that's all."

"what do you mean not get close?"

"i don't- you know what, nevermind." i brush it off heading over to my dog's food bowl, pouring some kibble in as dina continued to dance.

she was so weird, to say the least. not that that's bad at all it's just hard to understand.

why does she like me so much? why does she feel so attracted to me?

we never spoke until a couple weeks ago, why is she so attached to me already?

i've tried my hardest to shut her out, if you know what i mean. but it's basically impossible.

it's like she knows every trick i have up my sleeve before i even get the chance to play it out.

i watched as she made her way closer to me, a look of concern across her face.

"hey el?" she calls, wrapping an arm around my waistline. "don't touch." i mutter.

"why are you so afraid to love?" she snaps, pulling up a stool and sitting at the island.

"what do you mean?" i tilt my head.

i knew exactly what she meant, how she knew i was afraid to love her the way she wants me to.

how she knew my plan, she just didn't know how to tell me about it without making it seem like she was jumping to conclusions.

a feeling of embarrassment washed over me as my face flushed a bright red, i didn't know what to say.

"i'm serious, ellie. i've liked you, hell i've loved you for years now i just didn't know how to show it." she admitted, tears filling her eyes.

"you can't love me, dina." i say under my breath as my dog smacking on his food broke the awkward yet comfortable silence between us.

"i'm not a good person."

"you are a good person, ellie. the people you met made you feel like you aren't, it was never your fault."

i felt tears fill my eyes aswell as my hands became weak, dropping the bag of kibble in my arms.

"come here," she pulls me in for a hug as i let go in her arms.

she walked me to my bedroom where she laid me down, kissing my forehead. i don't want to admit i liked it, mainly because i was more embarrassed than anything.

i'm so in love with her i completely forgot what i had promised myself, now i have no way of taking it back.

all that's going through my mind is how i can get her to hate me.

maybe she'll go back to her old friend group and forget about me, then i'll have time to follow through with my plan.

the last thing i want is to hurt her, she has too sweet of a heart to break.

i just don't know how.

dina's pov:

i kissed ellie's forehead as i got her comfortable, pulling the blanket up towards her chest.

goosebumps spread across her body as i laid beside her, letting her get out what she needed to.

i hated seeing her like this, it breaks my heart. i know there's a way i can fix her, i just need to find a strategy.

all of my friends warned me about getting close with ellie, how there's a possibility i'll regret it.

'so far, so good.' is what i always tell myself.

i'm sure if she were planning to do something to herself she would've done it by now.

part of me is saying i'm saving her little by little, the other screaming that i'm gonna regret ever talking to her that day.

i'm sure you know which voice i'm listening to.

i listened as my phone vibrated on the kitchen counter, i didn't care to answer it.

all i care about right now is ellie, making her feel comfortable around me is my only concern.

"your phone" she pointed out between sniffles, lifting her head from the pillow.

"they can wait." i whisper laying her head back down as i gaze into her glossy eyes.

i slid a hand down her wet cheek as one last tear fell from her eyes, her eyes a bright red as she stared back at me, i changed the subject.

"tell me about when you first realized you were into me. was it my swagger, my overwhelming beauty?" i ramble, and she laughs.

"i knew i was into you from the day i saw you in that hallway." she replies wiping her tears onto her pillowcase.

"go on,"

"the day we met, you introduced yourself to me like you were the mayor or something."

"'cause i thought you were cute." i blush, and she scoffs. "shut up"

1,268 words.