{Trigger warning: This story deals with a lot of serious topics and situations. Heavy detail is included. Ranges from sexual assault, domestic violence, abuse of psychical and emotional, self harm, and suicide. Read with caution, this is your only w...
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I shuffle my feet, my hands lingering in my pockets as I glance around the quiet station. They all just went out on a call. Almost everyone. Sullivan stayed back to help with the clinic. Yet no one but a couple people have come in. They were all minor injuries and nothing really serious thankfully. Carina's cleaning sheets from what I can see, and Sullivan went MIA after the last person left.
My legs drag me up the stairs and out onto the overpass, that overlooks the station. I lean against the railing and let my arms hang over as my eyes dance around honestly getting lost in my own little head. My session with Diane ran a little over time than planned. Usually, my session last anywhere from half hour to an hour. But today it ended up being an hour and 45 minutes. I don't really know why. Maybe because I was trying to tell Diane stuff without actually having to tell her but that wasn't really working out in my favor.
It's hard to talk about what's happened. I know they're all assuming things. I know because the way they all look at me sometimes makes my skin crawl. It makes me question what goes through their mind when they do look at me. The questions they all must have when I'm around. God, I wonder what went through Andy's mind when she found me in that basement. Or Jack's. But those two are the two people I've grown the closest with. Maybe it's pity. Guilt. Why else take me in? Andy had, has no reason to have taken me in the way she did. You never hear about a firefighter taking in a kid they just saved from a fire. It's just not something that happens. Unless it does but then again, I wouldn't know. I never had access to the outside world. My information came from books but certain books. Or books I tended, tried to steal. That's when he was nicer.
When I first moved in. Over the years especially when his wife died, he became meaner and meaner. He would drink more and that's when it really started. That's when I tried to run. But I'd always just end up hurt. Again, and again. Always the same ending there. I'm lucky to be alive, I know I am. Why?
"What are you doing up here?" Sullivan's voice asks. I blink, being torn from my own demising thoughts. I turn my head and lock with Sullivan's brown ones. He comes over and stands beside me, our eyes staying on one another till I look away and shrug. "You okay?"
I nod slowly. "Yeah. You?"
Out of the corner of my eye I see him nod slowly. He cups his hands together leaning them out over the balcony. "I will be."
"That's what Andy keeps saying sometimes," I whisper and look at him swiftly. "Sorry, I-"
He shakes his head and smiles lightly. "You don't have to apologize. It's okay. We work together. We both have to get used to that. To this."
I nod and stay quiet for a moment. "Andy told me you guys were getting a divorce. She wouldn't tell me why. Can you?" My voice lowers. My eyes lingering on him as he shakes his head, his smile quickly fading. He squeezes his hands together then relaxes them.
"I'm not entirely sure why. I keep trying to make it work-" he pauses, turning his head to me. Our eyes lock and I see the hurt in them. A hurt I've never seen before. "With her dad passing something...turned in her. Unlocked. She's digging up the past and I tried to help but she pushed me away. She's been pushing me away ever since. I gave her space, but I miss her. I don't want a divorce."
