{Trigger warning: This story deals with a lot of serious topics and situations. Heavy detail is included. Ranges from sexual assault, domestic violence, abuse of psychical and emotional, self harm, and suicide. Read with caution, this is your only w...
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"What are you doing?" Caroline asks walking into her bedroom. I lift my head and meet her eyes, the beer bottle in my hands. I pull it from my lips and shrug. "Y/n what the- Andy's going to kill you."
"I know. I know-" She walks over hurriedly and takes the bottle from me fast. My jaw opens and I stare up at Caroline with regret. "Care-"
"I'm not letting you go down this path!" Caroline speaks, stepping back. The beer bottle still in her hand. "You can't go down this path." She waves the alcohol in the air shaking her head fast.
"It...It numbs me," I whisper, shifting my head between her's. I push myself up meeting a confused looking Caroline staring back at me. "At the party...I had one sip then another and another. To the point I couldn't stop. It... It felt good Care. I felt good."
"Y/n, I take you to those parties to have fun but not to drink! I know it's there but you...You may think it feels good but it's only hurting you. It's not a path you want to go down. You will hate yourself when you snap out of this-this funk."
"This funk? It's called depression Caroline! It's not just something that's going to go away! I'm stuck with it!" I shout, tossing my hands up. My chest beating rapidly. My face heating up. It feels like fire is burning right in front of me.
"You can get help though! What happened to you talking with Diane?" Caroline asks.
"I talk to her! In some ways, just not entirely! It doesn't really matter!"
"Doesn't matter? Y/n, love, it does!" Caroline walks over to her desk setting the beer bottle down. Her back is facing me and I clench my jaw shaking my head. My thoughts beginning. My thoughts soaring, going in places they shouldn't be. "Y/n, it does matter. Your feelings matter. They are valid no matter what they are, but this. Alcohol. Trying to numb everything doesn't help. No matter how badly it feels or how good it may feel in that moment once you come down from it, it's just going to hurt all over again. Please, please, please I'm begging you don't go down this path!"
"But it makes me forget Caroline! It makes me feel so good! Something that's hard to come by right now! It makes me forget the fact my life has been an absolute shit show! That I was kidnapped with my birth mother and tortured! Or that I've almost died numerous times. It helps numb the thoughts in my head that tell me I'm not good enough! That fill me with so much bad things that I can't! I can't! I can't! I don't want to deal with it anymore!"
Silence takes over as Caroline cups her hands together slowly walking over to me. She stands right in front of me. Our eyes stay locked. Neither of us say anything now. She sniffs and shakes her head.
"We're fighting...We shouldn't be fighting about this," Caroline whispers. I clench my jaw, tearing my teary eyes from her. I sniff myself looking around the room.
"I can't do this," I say, staring at one spot now. "I fucking can't do it."
"Can't do what?" Caroline asks, pain in her voice. I can't look at her. It's better this way. It'll always be best this way.
"This. Us." It comes off my tongue too easily. My chest thumps but burns. It feels like a hundred daggers are impelled into my heart at once. I can't breathe but I stand my ground even though tears run down my cheeks.
"Y/n," Caroline chokes out. Out of the corner of my eye I see tears running down her cheeks and her head shaking from side to side. "Y/n, don't do that. Please-"
"It's over Caroline. It has to be," I say, going to walk away. She grabs a hold of my hand and I pull away. I avoid looking at her. My stomach twisting. My throat tightening.
"Y/n! Please!" She begs through sobs now. I shake my head and head away. Walking to the door grabbing my book bag and swinging it over my shoulder. I don't even look over my shoulder towards her. Not even a final glance. I just walk out hearing the girl sobbing. Alone.
"What are you doing here? Did you run here?" Caroline asks, her face softer than I've ever seen it. I clench my jaw and nod my head up and down fast. My breathes are uneven. "Y/n-"
"I fucked up," I breathe out, keeping my eyes on her's. "I fucked up so badly! I should have never ever broken up with you! It was a mistake! A terrible, big stupid mistake that I made, and I hate that I did it! I hate that I got all up in my head over one argument that shouldn't have even been an argument! I'm sorry that I let my thoughts and my feelings of vulnerability got to me and I quit on you. I quit on us, and I never should have! Hell, I went to Nova, Rustyn, Dustyn, whatever the hell their names are because I knew they partied hard! I knew they'd help me numb the pain! I knew they'd let me, but I didn't want it! I didn't want any of it! I wanted you! I wanted Andy! I wanted Ryan! I'm an idiot and I know that, and I know you probably won't forgive me, but I just had to-"
Before I can finish out my fast paced, heavy panting breath taking spill Caroline steps forward and reaches her hand up, sliding it past my cheek to the back of my head. She cups my neck and pulls me forward instantly locking our lips. I sink into it immediately. There's no hesitation. There never is with Caroline. There will never be with Caroline.
The kiss is gentle, tender and kind. But it's also passionate. It's like a craving her lips on mine. Something I've missed so damn much. I never knew how much you could crave a person by such a sweet kind kiss. But I guess with Caroline it's different. A good different I mean. It feels right. It's always felt right and maybe that's why my heart hurt so damn bad that night. I fucked up with her. I can't do it again. No matter what.
Slowly we pull apart. Her hand stays where it is. My eyes slowly open to meet her teary blue ones. I shift my eyes between her's slowly nodding my head. "I love you," I whisper ever so gently. She nods her head up and down. "It'll always be you."
Tears slide down Caroline's face. She looks at me with defeat with love. She bites her lip and slides her other hand up and places it over my chest. Her eyes drop from mine. I follow her blue eyes down to her hand that rests ever so gently on my chest feeling it rapidly beating. I was getting extremely wet. The rain not letting up. But Caroline was now too. The both of us just standing in it. Silence taking over us except for the pouring down rain till Caroline lifts her head up slowly and our eyes lock. "I slept with Joey two nights after we broke up."
