Into the Flames {Station 19 x you}

fifty-nine: a cop or a dad?

      "Wh-Where's Andy?" I ask, reaching up and rubbing the back of my neck. Ryan has his hands shoved into his jean pockets nodding his head. He walks further into the room, into the middle. He keeps his distance looking at me. 

     "She's on a call. She was trying to come but she couldn't leave so she called me," Ryan informs me and I drop my gaze from his eyes to the ground. My mind swirls like vanilla and chocolate icecream coming out of a dispenser together. I shake my head. 

    "S-She didn't come," I whisper. My heart starts beating fast and Ryan takes a step closer. 

    "Hey-" 

    "So what? You going to arrest me?" I say quickly, trying to cover up my... disappointment to the fact Andy wasn't the one to show up. I lift my head up and meet Ryan's confused eyes. "You're a cop right? I was drinking and I was smoking underage." 

    "Y/n I'm not going-" 

   "But it's against the law. I should be arrested. I mean that would be the logical thing but because I'm your bio daughter the rules change?" I cut him off spitting shit out at this point. I shake my head and place both my hands on the bed, pushing myself up. I get off of the bed and Ryan takes his hands out of his pockets. "I mean why is it so hard to not look at me like I'm fragile? I'm not! I can be like everyone else too! Why can't everyone just treat me like everyone else?" My voice raises and when I go to walk I immediately feel dizzy and feel my knees buckle beneath me. 

    My body falls forward but I don't hit the ground. I feel Ryan catch me mid fall and gently place me back up against the bed. He keeps one hand on my shoulder and another on my stomach. 

    "Y/n, we're not treating you like you're fragile," Ryan says gently, scanning my eyes. My eyes watch his, clenching my jaw. "We're trying to help you without causing any triggers. We're trying to do this to help you get to the point where you're able to thrive." 

    "I'm high," I blurt out, blinking. Ryan nods. 

    "Dr. Montgomery mentioned and I can see it in your eyes-" Ryan admits. "I'm not going to arrest you. That's not why I'm here." 

     "I told Andy I didn't want to get to know you." Ryan nods his head slowly. 

   "I know." His blue eyes don't leave mine. And I see it now. The good in his eyes that Andy and Jack talked about. But I can't get that first moments out of my mind when we both knew he was my birth father. "She told me." 

     "Were you going to hit her?" 

    Ryan shakes his head. "No. I was...How I acted wasn't appropriate and I apologize. Sincerely. I'm sorry." I stay quiet feeling his hand lift off of my stomach. I replace his hand, placing my own hand there while my other one goes behind me, keeping myself stable while leaning against the bed. His other hand still on my shoulder. "The way I reacted to everything wasn't right. I know it wasn't, but I was so shocked when Andy told me that I freaked out. And knowing what happened to you and what you been through, I hated that I didn't know. I thought if I would have known Andy, and I could have protected you." 

    "Can't protect in a world full of hate," I say. "It doesn't matter. What's happened, happened." 

   "Y/n-" 

    "You really not going to arrest me? I don't feel high anymore," I blurt, cutting him off. His hand falls off of my shoulder. I remove my hand off of my stomach and shrug. "Would you have stayed if Andy told you when she was pregnant?" 

    Ryan's eyes go wide, and his eyes meet mine. "It would've made me grow up faster than I did. I would have stayed." 

    I drop my head as Ryan shoves his hands back into his pockets. I chuckle shaking my head. "How crazy that would be? Growing up in a stable household. Being loved and not taken advantage of. Or abused."