Adopted by R5 - My story

Chapter 19- Thoughts

I went into my tent and layed down next to Rydel. She was fast asleep, but I stayed up thinking.
Thinking about how happy I was;
Thinking about what amazing time I was having with my new family;
Thinking about how I should have felt guilty for having fun without Connor;
Thinking about how Connor just couldn't leave my mind.
I was thinking about him 24/7: when Rocky laughed and leaned his head back, like he used to do; when the boys pulled pranks on each other, like we used to do.
But the worst thing was having to watch my 5 new siblings getting along so well. It killed me everytime, because I remembered all those times Connor and I made promises to each other, when we stayed up all night laughing, when we had to cheer up each other. All those little things which were making it impossible for me to forget.
But did I really want to forget?
I still had all the videos we made in my phone, even though I didn't watch them since when we lost each other.
I wanted to watch them so badly, but on the other hand I was scared.
Scared of how upset I would get and of which stupid things I might do.
So all that was left of Connor were those videos and his guitar.
He gave it to me for my 12th birthday and even though it wasn't really the best guitar in the world, it was at least to me. I still played it no matter how many times Rocky had offered me to buy a new one.
I ofter wondered about where he might be now. What job had he found? Was he still in that house with 'troubled' kids?
Maybe he was living on his own, or was sharing a flat with his friends. Or he could be in college by now, he had always been really smart and a straight-A student.
All these thoughts were crossing my mind and deep down I had a question which I really didn't want to think about. For three years I had waited for him, convinced that one day he would finally show up but that didn't happen.
Did he still remember me? Did he want to forget about me?
I knew that being so attached to a little sister isn't what makes a 20 - year - old popular, so maybe he simply didn't want me anymore.
Maybe he didn't even bother to check where I was.... but I knew the real Connor and inside I was hoping he didn't change not even the tiniest bit.
It is weird how attached I was to him, not the clingy way, but the you-are-my-hero-and-I-thank-you-for-existing way. Plus he wasn't even my real brother, since he was adopted.
Fate simply put us together and simply separated us.

I checked the time and it was 3am. God, I had been up for quite a while now!
Rydel was snoring... she was so cute.
I listened carefully and I heard Riker giggling. Ross and him were still awake. I carefully got up and exited the girls' tent. I slowly opened their tent and entered.
"Hey Hailie! Did we wake you up?"
"No no, I just can't sleep"
"Oh ok. We were brainstorming for a new song but Ross keeps saying stupid stuff"
"I. Am. Creative!" Ross whined.
We sat there pretending to work on the new song but instead we laughed all night to Ross dumb jokes and to Riker's annoyed face. It was a great way to distract myself from the previous thoughts and I was so thankful for having these boys in my life.