Case by Case Love

Chapter 27: Revelation

Seeing the immediate look on Jay's face of distaste, frustration and anger over what had happened, Hank had instructed the detective to go his office and shut the door behind him. He then ordered Kim and Adam to take Patrick Dempsey away for processing, wanting him out of their hands immediately.

Jay makes his way into the office, not even caring the door was partially left open as he makes his way to the chair before the computer. He was thankful the boss was already logged in, and he began to go into the police database. He brought up Patrick Dempsey's daughter murder case, and began to read through the details - from who investigated it, to the findings they found, and where they left it off in the cold case files to probably never be completed. 

He noticed Clark Henderson was one of the possible suspects, and the findings they had on the business man - including a couple off-shore bank accounts. He then connected it through, finding another five girls that had been killed at his hands through the same process as Patrick's daughter was it seemed. 

"Whether Clark was innocent or not, you did the right thing," Hank states as he stands in the doorway, noticing the perplexed look on Jay's face as he reads through everything he was seemingly finding. He knew his detective well, and how the moral compass inside of him ran all of his decisions. He could tell as soon as the confession began the ways it would mess with Jay's mind. That was probably Patrick's goal - his last bit of satisfaction in the sick plan he convicted up. "If the bomb went off, it would have not just killed Clark and yourself - but injured a ton of others in the city. We had one bomb go off and that left 10 injured, including yourself. If there was two bombs that went off, that would have resulted in more injured and possibly casualties."

"But I just let him walk out of the office without a thought...." Jay comments as he doesn't take eyes off of the images of the girls that were plastered on the screen before his eyes. There was even one younger than Patrick's daughter. How does a 12-year-old get tied up in the middle of this? 

"You were following your instincts in saving everyone before yourself, then worrying about you. None of this is your fault, Halstead." Jay knew Hank's methods now from all the years they worked together, knowing why he had used the last name reference rather than his first. It was to command presence, leadership and attention. Jay knew what Hank was trying to do in diverting his attention away from what was before him.

"I should've gotten more details from Patrick. I should've stressed the importance of ensuring Clark did not leave the scene. He probably would've escaped Chicago and got away with this if it wasn't for Patrick and his partner shooting him. I know two wrongs don't make a right, but you can't tell me he didn't deserve to be killed. You don't shoot five girls under the age of 18 after you've sexually traumatized them and deserve to live. Patrick certainly did not go about in the right method with the attempted bombing, but do you blame him? You would've gone after the man, too." Hank wanted to say something in return, but he could not as Jay was not wrong. Jay had watched Hank go after the man that killed his son Justin. Jay had watched Hank go after the person that killed Al. Jay had played witness to Hank going after the person that hurt any of them numerous times. 

"He was right to be angry and confront Clark. Perhaps you are right he deserved what he got in the end..." Hank makes his way slowly in the office, almost heading for his chair but knowing Jay was sitting there instead. It felt to weird to take the couch before his detective instead. "But the innocent of people in that building did not deserve to see their lives threatened. Those people were injured by the blast did not deserve to be hurt. You did not deserve to be hurt for stepping up to be hero we needed in that moment." 

Jay closes his eyes, trying to force the images that were clouding his mind away in that moment. But he found himself back in the office. He found himself back sitting across from Clark with Patrick looming over him. What could he have done differently? Why didn't he act differently? How did he see not see everything right then and there? 

He feels his breathes pick up as he hears the sound of explosion in his mind once again, his hand immediately going to his chest. He tries to follow the training module of deep slow breathes - but it seemed to just be getting worse.

He feels arm wrap around him from behind, almost jumping out of the grasp immediately as he is stuck in the images of his mind. But there was a special comfort and strength they offered.

"Breathe Jay...." Hank coaches him as he keeps a strong grasp on him. "In for 4, out for 6. In for 4, out for 6. Count to 10. You are not there anymore. You are sitting in the 21st district in my office." 

Slowly a calming aura comes over Jay as the images and sounds in his mind disappear, replaced by the silence in the office, the calm voice whispering in his ear, and the strength of those arms. His breathes calm down slowly, bit by bit, easing the tension he was feeling in the chest.

"I'm sorry," Jay looks down, feeling ashamed in requiring the support from his boss in this manner. He hadn't been through one of these panic attacks for a long time, and hated the fact he was transported back to those again. "I'm sorry...." He brings his hands back down his side, knowing the pain in his chest would subside as he relaxes. "I should've done better. I should've seen the signs. I was just so focused on the threat, the bomb, and making sure that didn't go off. I didn't want to go through that....again...." 

"You did the right thing," Hank repeats once again, not releasing his grasp on the detective as a couple tears trickle down Jay's cheeks. "I'm proud of you, Jay. I'm glad that you are in my unit because you get the job done. You are going to be okay..."