Case by Case Love

Chapter 34: Conversation

Jay makes his way into the kitchen, opening up the fridge and grabbing one of the beers that rested on the shelf. He then leans against the counter, popping the cap off as he takes a long sip. 

"I'm surprised it's a beer in your hand and not a glass of Jack," Hank observes as his eyes had not left his detective since watching him enter the kitchen since his shower. He could not help it. He felt every bit of worry for him in knowing what he had been through previously, what had happened recently, and the events from earlier that night. Was it a crime to care? "I hope you do not mind that I came over. I just wanted to check in and make sure you were okay. I know those events aren't normally something you do. I also know the conversation was not easy." 

"I told him that you had some stuff on your mind and wanted a break from it all," Erin offers quietly as she walks up behind him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. She then gives him a light kiss on the cheek, still not fully feeling comfortable from their conversation earlier in the bathroom. "I told him that you were going through some triggers again..." 

"I apologize for leaving early," Jay comments as he does not take his eyes off of his boss. He had not allowed his eyes to leave him since he had leaned back against the counter, and eyes laid there upon the first words being spoken. Truth be told, he had thought of switching to the stronger beverage upon Hank's comments. It made a better idea in knowing the possibility of conversation tonight. "You can blame Erin here for the beer in my hand..." 

"Hank knows I've always preferred beer over liq-"

"And now you've got me drinking it more often." He then twirls the bottle in his hand, taking a deep breath. Erin was not the only reason he preferred to have beer some of these nights instead of Jack. "It is also what I got used to drinking when Mouse and I would have those long conversations at night, talking about the memories. It just seemed to make easier to handle, but yet not be too much that you'd be worried of overdrinking. After my second tour and the hum-vee incident, there was night that I chose Jack instead. I regretted it the next morning. I was not just hungover but rather alcohol poisoning." 

"Is that the late nights that Mouse and Will refer to of drugs, alcohol and fights?" Erin asks very quietly, unsure whether it was a good idea to be asking this. He was already dealing with enough PTSD triggers causing flashbacks and nightmares. Perhaps it was not a good idea to bring up a reason to think about another. She didn't need to him resorting back to those ways from then. "You joined the police academy shortly after a stunt of those. Mouse wanted to bring 'structure' to your life as he called it." 

"He figured if I had something to focus on that I would not be thinking of the war, what happened, or doing something stupid..." He almost chuckles a bit as he thinks back now 13 years ago, crazy to think how many years had past and yet here he was feeling some days as if he was back to square one. Shouldn't be able to handle everything by now?

"I am going to go change into something more comfortable...." Jay could not blame her in seeing the dress that showed every single thing he loved about her was still clinging to her body. However, the thought of what could happen in the conversation to follow only grew in knowing the alternative motive here. She hadn't got him to say much earlier in the bathroom. She was going to hope someone else could get through to him.

"Is that your substile way of leaving the room so Hank and I can supposedly talk?" Her eyes darting away from him before the question was fully asked said more than any words that would follow could.

"Is it really that obvious?" Jay nods his head slowly, as she takes a deep breath. She finally brings her eyes to look back at him, care and comfort laced in them. "I figured you could use someone to talk to. You and Hank normally have some of the best conversations together and can help each other sometimes. Besides, I need a shower. You are not the only person getting spoiled with the comfort of that - as long as you left me some hot water. I love you, forever and always..." She then reaches for his hand, grasping it with her own. "I care about you, that's all this is." 

"We care about you," Hank quietly corrects her as he watched every bit of the interaction between them. He hated that Erin had made it obvious with her intentions for right now. He hated that it seemed forced for them to have a conversation. He had simply come over to check and make sure things were okay. He had not come over to solve all their issues in a single night. There was no way that could happen if you tried. However, he also understood the intentions Erin had, and those outweighed any of the reasons for how she was perhaps not taking the right approach. He just hoped Jay saw that side of what she was doing, too. 

"I'll be back soon - I promise," she comments before letting his hand go and disappearing out of the kitchen. 

"We do not have to talk about everything if you don't want to. We don't even have to say a single word if you don't want to. I just came to make sure you were okay. Jay, I always am going to be here to make sure that you are okay." 

Jay's eyes don't leave Hank as the words are spoken, as his mind debates as to what to do next. This was the one person more than anybody who could understand a glimpse of what he was dealing with. This was the one person who had helped him through the chaos before. 

He should be taking the opportunity to heal and do the right thing..... right?