Case by Case Love

Chapter 19: Guilt

Jay keeps his eyes forward, following the trained regime he knew well in controlling his breathes slow and steady - despite every feeling that he felt that moment all at once. There was anger in the events that had transpired that morning. There was fear for those around him in knowing what the boss had just laid out. There was surprise when he rethought about just exactly how everything happened.

Intelligence Unit did not screw up. Intelligence Unit did not miss. Intelligence Unit always got the job done. How did they allow a second bomb to be blown up in downtown Chicago? How did they allow their suspect to get away? How did they allow their star target to get away and not shot dead execution style? 

He did not even look to the side as he heard footsteps, knowing Erin and Will had returned from their break from the room. He almost wished they had not returned, not knowing what to say to them right now. When it came to his brother, it was simple and as expected as they had been here before unfortunately. When it came to Erin, though, his mind flooded with how he should approach it and whether he was right or wrong in his thoughts. 

He was shocked to learn she hadn't followed through and done her job. They had never seen a case where Erin had just let the suspect flee easily, or not been able to do her job. They had been in worse scenarios than what this appeared to had been, and yet she had done her job. Why hadn't she been able to do so here? 

Their relationship had never gotten in the way of their work before, but yet here they were now in a potentially bad situation given what Hank had offered earlier. Was this a sign of things to come? Was there going to be more issues moving forward? What if a second try at everything they had lost the balance they earned before?

"Are you okay?" Will's voice breaks the silence in the room as his eyes lock on his brother, trying to see what he was thinking. He knew the conversation with Hank probably hadn't gone super smoothly with the reveal of the threat. He knew it was probably complicating the recovery process with leaving a lot of thoughts on his brother's mind. "Jay?" 

"I'm fine," Jay comments as he finally allows his eyes to leave the ceiling and look over towards the pair. He forces himself to focus solely on his brother, still debating what he would say to Erin. "Hank told me that the suspect is still out there and potentially looking for me. I also was able to identify him in a series of images of the accountant firm employees."

"Hopefully that means he is found soon..." Will takes a deep breath, not wanting to think about what would be possible if the man showed up there, and had plans within the hospital walls. It would not put it past him for someone to enter the hospital with a bomb. They had a guy enter with a gun once upon a time and hold the entire emergency room staff hostage. "Do you want anything?" 

The silence he got in response was all Will needed to know, as he could tell where the focus now lied between the couple. Despite avoiding it, Jay's eyes had laid on Erin as he kept thinking over the words that were said.

"That's why you've been quiet," Jay starts, the tone of voice straight as ever with no drop of emotion attached as he does not allow his eyes to leave her. "That's why you read the text message and couldn't bare to look at me in the eyes afterwards. Hank texted you and told you first that there was a potential problem. I trust you, and I love you, but yet you just sat there avoiding eye contact. What if something would've happened?" 

"Jay...." Will warns as he did not like the direction the conversation was going in already knowing what Jay was assuming based on how Hank probably delivered everything. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Erin glances down, taking a deep breath, every bit of guilt she felt in Hank saying they needed to talk later seemingly like nothing right now. It weighed like nothing compared to the guilt in knowing she was responsible for the danger he was in right now.

"Hank asked us both to not say anything. Hank wanted to tell you the details himself." It was as if the words had no effect in changing the gaze that Jay had locked on Erin. The words probably didn't even go in his mind as there was only one perspective he cared about at this moment.

"I'm sorry...." Erin barely cracks out, her voice just above a whisper, barely audible to those around her. "I fucked up, okay? I got so scared about you and focused on whether you were going to be okay that I did not do my job - and fucked up. I let the team down, I let the city down, and I did not do my job. Even worse, I let you down in not being the partner that I should be. I should have your back no matter what and do what I can to protect it. I should've been watching more closely. I should've caught him and put an end to this. I'm sorry, Jay..." 

A couple tears roll down her cheeks as she glances away from him, unable to face him as the guilt just continued to increase with each passing second in seeing the disappointment and anger before her.

"I just got you back after being away from you for years," she continues, her voice breaking due to the tears that were rolling down her cheeks. "I was afraid of that happening again. I was afraid that everything we had done to get back to each other was going to go away in just a mere second. I can't lose you, again....."

"We both know I won't let that happen because I will always come home to you," Jay simply replies, reaching out with his good hand for hers and clasping it as tightly as he can.