Deep Thoughts (ghost x female reader)

Med (chapter 24)

Tw- mentions of ptsd , sucide and nightmares as well as past abuse

It was about 2:30 in the afternoon now.

Your thoughts are running rampant as the nurse looked you over again. You had just finished getting your height and weight taken after wanting to be sent on your way. The nurse new you had extremely bad anxiety and there were definitely big signs of PTSD showing even in your body language and demeanor that she noticed but you even knew after denying that you indeed did have PTSD and underlying symptoms of depression that you didn't tell her about. it was often that you had never told anyone who took you in medical to examine you over that you had thoughts of sucide or frequent anxiety or nightmares. So much has gone on in your life and you simply couldn't just forget. You've lost a lot , have been robbed of your childhood and even more so harassed and much more now in your life. You were not to blame , you put up a front to protect yourself , you put up walls around you mentally to protect yourself but deep down there was a little girl that longed to feel loved and cared for , the little girl that wanted to be held and reassured as well as even now adult you that longed for hope and for family , for someone to care for and for someone to love.

Those moments when ghost showed concern for you and helped you through your panic , ghost who wanted to help you and to make sure you got treatment and care for your injuries. The way he had cradled your face in his hands , the warmth that radiated off his palms and the way you felt the feeling of safety wash over you. It was a bit overwhelming to you but at the same time it was surprising , you've longed for touch like that and haven't even been all that used to it but in those moments when it did happen it was almost like your inner child had shown. You were hesitant and scared and you wanted to accept it but not being used to it made it a bit harder. Your so used to being left alone , untouched , uncared for and in the past more so abused. Ghost knew how that was , he had an abusive life when he was a child. Living with his abusive father left a huge mark on him mentally and physically. He knew how it felt to be alone , abandoned , abused and more.

He knew.

Ghost currently stood walking through the halls to find the guy that had fought you , bandaged up and currently fiddling around near your room door , placing something under it. It was a white paper folded up. He balled his fists up at his side and he walked swiftly and as he approached the guy cocked an eyebrow as he went to speak but was cut off as he was pushed into the wall , his legs pinned bys ghosts as he grabbed a hold of  guys collar of his uniform and he quickly wasted no time before landing a harsh punch to the mans face , driving him more into the wall causing the guy to hit his head and the man let off a groan as he was dazed for a moment , trying to regain his focus after the blow and he spat up some blood as blood also poured form the man's nose and he watched as ghosts eyes narrowed and his breath hitched in his throat.
'' whats your fucking deal?''
The guy spat up blood as he spoke.
''You know the women that you harassed in the gym , followed and physically assaulted ?''
Ghost started harshly as the guy's face went pale with fear and as the guy didn't answer ghost landed another harsh punch which caused the guy's cheek bone to crack and his vision blurred a bit in and out as it was out of focus.
''Touch her again and ill make sure i rock the color orange very nicely.''
Ghost threatened and the man let off a wince as he was then pushed to the floor , in pain and bloody. Ghost knew that there would be more issues ahead now but he needed to get the message across. He refrained from doing anymore damage but deep down he wanted to make sure that this guy got sent to the ICU.

You currently stood still in medical and the nurse eyed you as she waited for more of answer but she sighed as she looked you over before shaking her head.
'' you can't lie , mental illness is a serious thing an if somethings wrong we need you to tell us.''
She spoke firmly yet softly and you shook your head.
'' I'm fine alright , enough. Just discharge me and send me off.''
you glared and she sighed , giving up as she knew you would keep fighting it. She went to speak again but before she could her phone that was lying in her pocket buzzed and she read the message that was on her phone and she looked at you.
''I've been notified by other personnel that price wants to see you in his office..''
She spoke up and watched as you wasted no time and got off the medical bed and left out the door leaving her there to ponder in her own thoughts. You hurried past other medical staff and back into the hallway.

As you walked through the hallway you started to feel uneasy again as you saw other soldiers walking around , your anxieties were high and you were still on edge even after all that has happened so far , you were scared and you just wanted to hide but you had duties to attend to. As you walked through the halls still you felt as if the lights were brighter and the buzzing in your ears grew louder as you tried shaking off the thoughts in your mind , the thoughts that replayed those moments over and over again. You felt your breathing falter and you tried ignoring that feeling as you took a right along with another left and you finally made your way in front of prices office. You knocked once gently on the wooden door and you kept an ear out waiting for the approval that you could come in and you waited for a moment before hearing prices voice.
'' come in l/n''
He called out and you reached for the door handle , turning it as you opened the door and stepped in closing the door behind you. the office was like any office out there , in front of you lied price sitting at his desk along with two chairs sitting in front. There was a shelf behind him and some storage for other personal files. As you stepped into the room keeping quiet price looked up at you, seeing the bruises and bandages on you. As he looked your over you did the same to him seeing that he was wearing his army cargos and a green army shirt along with his signature booey hat.

He gestured quietly for you to sit down to which you did so and sat down keeping quiet as you avoided eye contact with him. He noticed how you would avoid eye contact but he didn't question it as He took a deep breath before speaking up.
''I want to ask if you were okay and to as what happened back there earlier. I need the details as well to write a report...ghost told me what happened and even mentioned what he had done too so i need to know. Ghost isn't one to get violent so this meant something.''
He started and you fiddled with your fingers a bit as it was a nervous response but you didn't let that nervousness show much but you didn't know how long you could go without faltering.
You eyes widened a bit as he mentioned ghost but all you could do now is wonder what he did and you wondered what price meant by ''violent''. You didn't know exactly how bad it was but you hoped that this wouldn't turn into a bigger issue.

''Sir i was in the training room working out an one of the newer privates came over to me and physically assaulted me so i fought back...i ran off and he followed me and tried to uhm..''
You explained but cut yourself off at the last part as price had started to write down what you were saying. He gave you a minute to gather yourself and waited until you started to speak again.
''And he physically assaulted me again in one of the corridors...as well as before hand made unwanted advances to me....''
You told and Price gave a small nod as he finished up writing everything down.
''You're a good soldier but i need you to take a minute and not be a soldier but be a person. Meaning to cut formalityles at the moment and just tell me how you feel. Well bring this to HR and that soldier will be court martialed and go on dishonorable discharge.''
Price decided at the last part and you gave a small nod.
'' but y/n please, I need to know if you're okay. If you're okay being on this team and if you're okay with the soldiers around you that are on this team. You could even tell me if soap bothers you , I know he's close to you. The boy sticks to your hip like a lost dog.''
He says softly to you as he looks at your face seeing your blank expression.

''Im fine cap im not dead.''
You say bluntly , practically down playing your feelings.
Price sighed knowing that you wouldn't give in and you wouldn't tell how you felt , he knew that you weren't one to explain how you felt to anyone but he had a feeling about you and ghost. Ghost wasn't one to get randomly violent, especially to one of his own and this made the gears in prices head turn , ghost wasn't one to stick up for anyone but this was different. He usually let people handle their own problems but this was different with you but he didnt question it much more.
''What about ghost? Are you bringing that up to HR too?.''
You pondered and he shook his head.
'' He was let off with a warning , your lieutenant will still be here but will be kept on a bit of a shorter leash for now. As for you, I want you to quit training and head and get something to eat before lights out. All i want is for you to take care of yourself all right and if you need something im here , this is an order.''
He ordered , he knew if he didnt that you would push yourself and keep training regardless and you sighed before nodding , not wanting to be the one to not follow orders.
'' your dismissed and just take it easy alright?.''
He waved you off and you stood up and walked out of his office leaving him to his own work that he had to fill out.