Maze Runner One Shots (Requests Open)

Guilt (Minho)

This one shot is about anorexia so please read with caution. If you know this is something that will upset you I have plenty of other things that you can read, and I hope you are all doing okay <3

Shame.

Shame is the only thing I know how to feel when I taste food. Anything else just seems gluttonous and not like I require it to live.

In the Glade and Scorch it was easy to just avoid talking about it. There was always so much going on that nobody was really worried about whether or not all the food was gone. They cared more about if some of it went missing, which I never contributed to. Why would I?

Glancing at my feet, I stayed far, far away from everyone during meal time as I kept asking myself what was wrong with me? How am I at such a low point that I'm staring at the ocean while my stomach's constantly reminding me that living like this is hell instead of with the people I care about with whatever Fry cooked? How the hell did it get to this point, and even more importantly, how do I fix it? Do I want to fix it? Should I fix it?

I don't know. I never seem to know when it comes to what I actually should.

Slowly pulling my knees to my chest, I winced at the small bit of movement. Lately, my ability to do anything has basically been non-existent. Even the most basic tasks took everything out of me.

Deciding to just be done with the day, I leaned against a tree as I stood up, preparing ahead of time for the dizzy spells. Closing my eyes, I took several deep breaths despite the ache in my chest before just going to my room to try and sleep this off.

As if I could just sleep off anorexia and wake up like everybody else.

Time Skip

Like usual my sleep had been a hellish night of tossing and turning until Minho came in to sleep beside me. I don't say with because he doesn't. I don't let him touch me. If he knew about this, I don't even know how he'd react. Just that it was nothing I wanted to deal with any time soon.

Leaning against the med table, I realized how ironic it was for me to be taking care of sick people as if I'm not silently killing myself. It's just that I'm alive so I have to eat sometimes, and when I do I convince myself that I never had a problem and was being dramatic.

Then, the guilt of satisfying the basic human need sets in, and I get reminded that I have a problem. A deadly one too.

"Hey Y/N,"Someone greeted. Glancing up, I smiled as I saw my love Minho, standing by the door.

"Hey love,"I said back. "Where were you hurt?"

"I'm not hurt. I just, I really need to talk to you,"He quietly admitted. Hearing the complete change in his tone just made me feel like I was going to vomit as I wondered if he knew. "Can you please take your break and come with me?"

As his voice only seemed to grow more and more solemn, the secret acknowledgement that he knew got stronger.

Still, I took off my medic jacket and walked outside with him, doing my best to not show the pain that was still in my bones.

"So where are we going?"I asked as he took me past people working or just hanging out with their friends.

"Just somewhere private,"He whispered again. Nodding my head, I did the only thing I could now and accepted that answer. Any other response would seem suspicious, and he already appears to be that way.

Taking me out by the ocean, he ironically stopped at the same spot I was just sitting in last night. I swear that now he was just taunting me with the idea.

Then, I remembered that it was Minho. Yes, he could be sarcastic and a little harsh, but the last thing he could be was cruel.

"Come on. Sit,"He invited, patting the ground next to him. Doing so, I didn't even know how to look at him as I did. Instead, I stared at the ocean.

"I came here to talk to you privately because I have something that I need to ask you. Something important. I also already know the answer, but I just want to know if you do, if you know how important it is,"He slowly, almost carefully, admitted.

"Yeah. I know,"I found myself confessing despite how wrong it had always felt to do so. It still feels wrong, but I just don't know how to lie to him. I don't know how to make him unsee the problem.

So I won't.

"What you're doing, it's dangerous. You're killing yourself."

"Yeah. I know,"I accepted.

"Then why are you still doing this? You're already gorgeous, inside and out. What makes you . . . starve yourself?"

"Honestly, I don't even know anymore. It just started in the Glade as a small weight loss thing, and it escalated. Now it's pretty much all I know when it comes to food. I don't know how to have a normal relationship with it so I just gave up on trying,"I explained, still not looking at him.

"In the Glade?"He whispered.

"Yeah. In the Glade."

"Did anyone know?"

"No. I wouldn't let them. I was too careful with it."

"You were suffering for years, and I didn't even notice?"

"I wouldn't let you notice,"I repeated.

"But-"
"Minho, don't,"I said firmly, finally turning to look at him. With his eyes almost watering, it was clear that he was just holding back tears. "I made sure that nobody noticed. I didn't want anyone to fix me. I was cautious, so I never got caught."

"And you've just been living like that? Like it was nothing?"

"What else was there to do? With everything going on, it just never felt important enough to focus on, and I didn't want to bother anyone with my problem."

"You wouldn't have bothered me. I would've helped a long, long time ago if you asked for it."

"But I didn't,"I shrugged again.

"Then let me help you now?"He whispered, holding out his hand. Glancing up, I saw the hopeful look in his eyes as silently begged for me to just let him in. To let him help me stop killing myself.

"You really think you can help me?"

"Only if you want the help. Do you want help?"He asked, still holding his hand out.

"Yeah. I want help,"I accepted, putting my hand in his. While he made sure his grip was so loose I could barely feel it, maybe, after he got me through what was a lifelong hell, he would hold on a little tighter.