Maze Runner One Shots (Requests Open)

Life Isn't Fair (Newt)

It's been five years. Five years of paradise. Five years of peace. Five years of safety.

Five years of survivor's guilt. Five years of grief. Five years wishing everyone was here.

Still, people have sort of moved on. Well, not moved on, but learned how to live. They've accepted that the people they love aren't coming back. They've accepted that they will never be who they once were. They've accepted that life is never fair with who it takes.

Nobody talks about it anymore. Nobody wants to. Everyone just wants to sit by the rock, at night, alone, and mourn for what was just a bunch of names on a rock. While it's so much more, that's what it's dumbed down to. It's just easier than saying it was something that held dark yet incredible memories and forced us to think about how much better life would be with them here. Plus, that's a way longer name.

I like sitting by it on nights when there aren't clouds. That's when you can really see the stars, and Newt always loves seeing them. That's why when I visit him on these nights I swear I can feel his presence. His comforting hand on my shoulder and his warm hugs that made the world disappear.

I don't get those now. I never will again. Nobody's touch has ever made me feel the way his did, and it never will.

"I did it again. That thing where I want to tell you something so I go to look for you. I found this cool seashell, and I really wanted you to have it. I stopped myself in time again before asking Minho, but I think he knows. I'm working on it though. Honestly,"I promised. Closing my eyes, I took a breath and forced myself to smile. It was honestly the only way to keep myself from crying.

"Do you remember the time we first met? How I was so freaked out I couldn't even move. You wouldn't let Gally take me out because you knew I was afraid. So you shooed everyone away and held your hand out, promising not to hurt me. I know I shouldn't truly have believed you, but there was something about you. You just have these warm eyes that told me everything would be okay. And when I gave in to that feeling and took your hand I was sure it would be,"I recited, leaning my head against the rock. I made sure to keep my eyes shut as I did. It was the only way I could pretend that I was truly leaning on his shoulder and not a boulder with his name.

I can still feel it. The sun killing us all in the Scorch. I'm burning up and swear I'm getting sick. Still, I keep going. This inconvenience right now is way better than the things that could be happening. I could be trapped in WCKD. I could be being harvested for my organs. I could have been killed by Cranks.

Instead, I'm here. It sucks, but it could be worse.

As I sit away from everyone though, I realize that death isn't the worst thing that can happen to you. I mean Winston was one of my best friends. We were Slicers together, and he taught me everything about it. He also taught me how to use that knife for more than farm animals, just in case. He was one of the only people I could truly trust and love in the Glade. Now he's just gone? Just like that, I lost someone who meant so much to me?

"Hi love,"Newt greeted. Keeping my head down, I stayed silent while holding back tears. "It's hard. I know it is,"He whispered, taking a spot next to me despite my uninviting demeanor.

I know I should say something, but I'm so tired. I'm so sick of everything that happens to us. It's not fair. It's never fair, and it's never over.

"I know you were closer to him than any of us were. I know this is hard, and I know right now everything seems pointless."

"Yeah. It does,"I quietly admitted. Wrapping his arm around me, he silently told me to keep talking. "It's just that he, Jeff, and I were all super close. It was a really random group, but it made sense to us. Besides you, Chuck, and Alby they were my only other best friends. And everyone's personality was so different, but that's what made them great. Jeff could be so blunt, but he knew when it was for the best. Winston always knew his way around everything and was so relaxed. Chuck always made me laugh. He reminded me that there's hope and was so brave despite his age. Alby did more than tell me what to do. He took the time to explain it and was always so patient. And now they're gone. They're gone, and I only have one other best friend left. I only have you,"I spilled.

"It sucks. I know this sucks, but that doesn't mean it won't get better. Even though we've lost a lot of people, we're here. I'm here, and I'm not giving up, and I won't let you give up either. I'll always be here, Y/N. You won't lose me, and I won't lose you. We'll make it through,"He said firmly yet softly.

I should say something. I mean he was so heartfelt and genuine, but I didn't know what to say. I couldn't find the ability to even speak.

Leaning my head on his shoulder, I shut my eyes. Understanding what else I need right now, he rested his head against mine and promised to look out for me. Then, he was dead silent as we fell asleep with each other.

"I guess you lied to me, huh? I did lose you,"I whispered, opening my eyes. Looking down at his name, I traced each letter over and over again.

N. E. W. T.

N. E. W. T.

N. E. W. T.

Newt.

Newt is gone. My best friend is gone. The one I came to for anything and everything is gone. The one I shared every piece of news with, good or bad, is gone. The one who so effortlessly made me laugh is gone. The one who I knew I could come to if I needed to cry is gone. The one I would always want to be with is gone. The one I would stay up late with talking about the future is gone.

My first choice is gone. My other half is gone. My person is gone.

My love is gone.

I'm in love with Newt. All this time, for all these years, I have been in love with Newt. I have always wanted to be with him. That's why he always had to be in my future, no matter what else changed. That's why I would never get tired of being around him. That's why I made sure I was the first by his side if he needed anything. That's why he would haunt my dreams.

That's why I can't move on. You can't just move on from your soulmate. Even if neither of you said it, the pull is still there. It's there, and it's real, and it always will be, and now it's gone. My soulmate, my world, is gone.

That's why I can't fall in love. That's why I never find myself falling for anyone here. Because I already have a love, and his name is Newt, and he's dead.

I didn't save him. I wasn't fast enough, and now he's dead. He's gone forever, and I'm here. Just as he actually wanted to be here, when he fully wanted to live, he's not.

And I never told him. I never told him that I feel so deeply for him it doesn't even make sense sometimes because I was too blind to realize. I was too caught up with the Maze and the Glade and the Scorch and the running and the fighting and WCKD to see it. To see that the proof of good and love is him. It was always him.

I'm in love with my best friend, and I never got to tell him because only when his heart is no longer beating did I figure that out.

"I'm sorry, Newt. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,"I repeated, putting my face against the rock as I sobbed. With my entire body shaking and my chest aching, something inside of me finally broke, and I was never going to fix it. Because the only way I would ever be whole was if I had Newt.

"I love you, Newt. I have always loved you, and I'm sorry I didn't realize it. I'm sorry I didn't save you. I'm sorry,"I cried, wishing I could just die. Why can't I take his place? Why do I have to be here while he's not? Why can't I just go to sleep and never wake up again? Why can't this all be some unforgettable nightmare that I'll wake up from with him comforting me?

Because life isn't fair. It never was.

That's why only when I lost my light did I realize how dark reality truly is.