thorns and other maladies

75

i wish you'd kiss me
under a cherry blossom tree
with roses in your hand
or maybe you could dance with me
clumsily in my parents kitchen
to an old song on the radio
but you just stand there
looking so pitifully defeated
like you're already apologizing
for all the things you won't do
i can't you say i can't do it
but you haven't even tried
i mean, is it really that hard?
to love someone properly?
it already takes so much effort
to defend all your excuses
so why not just do it anyway?
why not just love me enough?
i can't fathom why you'd avoid it
why you'd be here if you weren't willing
am i just the only one around?
is that what it is?
how do i prove to you i deserve it?
no, actually—
why do i have to prove it?
you staying is enough evidence
i mean, really
why would you stay if it wasn't?
why would you waste your time?
unless that's the point i guess but—
no, if that was really the point
then you'd still try harder
if you were going to waste time
you'd at least make it pleasant
so why?
why why why why
why would you do all this?
why are you like this?
and for christ sake
why me?
you had your pick of girls
to obliterate as you please
so why me?
what makes me so special?
are you some sort of
cosmic karma police
sent to give me my just desserts?
am i paying for some
sin i committed in a past life?
is the universe just out to get me?
like some mistake that needs erasing?
can't you give me some answers?
something?
anything?
i can't you say i can't do it
and i think that
is answer enough

—questions you'll never answer