thorns and other maladies

89

i never want to know you
i want to be so unrecognizable
i forget i ever had your hands
or your stupid mouth on me
i want to paint over the freckles
that you touched on my body
write over the words
you wrote on my sneakers
throw out my clothes that you liked
cut off all my hair
grow seven inches taller
anything so that you don't know me
and i can forget about knowing you
anything to erase
the destruction you left behind
but you won't let me will you?
no you'll just walk back in
and leave your presence everywhere
knock over my bookshelves
write your name on the fucking wall
now i feel branded
like your handprints are still
burned into my skin
like everyone can see
the damage you left on me
and god
all i wanted was to move on
to bury your bones
and move the fuck on
but peace isn't something you have
you'd dig your own grave
just so you can haunt my fucking corpse
you force your way
into every part of my life
trying chip away at my sanity
until i come crawling back to you
like some trained pet
but i refuse
i refuse to ever know you
to bury myself in your
grave of a mind again
i'll morph into someone
you'd never even dream off
cut all my hair off
grow seven inches taller
anything so you don't know me
anything to not know you
anything to get rid of it all
anything
anything
anything.

—i want to erase you