Regret

Kapitulo treinta y cinco

Irene's POV

A week had passed since we brought Ely back home, and each day had felt like walking on eggshells. I barely let her out of my sight.

Paranoid na ako na baka gumawa siya ng something drastic. Alam ko na she was struggling internally, and I couldn't risk leaving her alone, kahit for a second. Every time I saw her trying to slip away to her room or somewhere quiet, I would immediately follow, always trying to break her solitude.

"Anak, what are you doing there all alone?" I asked, spotting her sitting on the couch in the living room, phone in hand, but her eyes blankly staring at the screen.

I plopped down beside her, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and pulling her closer. She was stiff, like she wasn't used to this kind of clinginess. "Wala naman po," she answered, her voice flat, detached. Her gaze drifted off to the far side of the room, far away from me and far away from here.

"Nothing, huh? Mukha kang malalim ang iniisip," I teased, trying to lighten the mood. I rested my chin on her head, gently stroking her arm in hopes of comforting her. "You know you can always talk to me, di ba? I'm here for you."

Ely gave a small shrug, but I could tell she wasn't really engaged. She wasn't pushing me away, but she wasn't pulling me in either. It made me feel so helpless.

"Are you going to do anything later? Gusto mo bang sumama sa akin?" I asked, still trying to find a way to break the ice. "I'm meeting up with Dawn, Small, Anna, Michelle, and the others. They're bringing their kids. It's gonna be fun! You could come and hang out with them, too."

I gave her my best puppy dog eyes, hoping it would make her laugh, or at least smile. But instead, Ely just shook her head lightly. "Huwag na lang po, Ms. Tinatamad po kasi akong lumabas ngayon. Mas gusto ko po dito sa bahay na lang."

I frowned slightly, not because she didn't want to go, but because I couldn't shake the feeling that something was really off. I didn't want to leave her alone. "Are you sure? I could stay here with you, kung ayaw mo talagang sumama. I don't have to go."

"Nako, huwag na po." She finally looked at me, a faint, reassuring smile trying to reach her eyes, but it didn't quite make it. "Pumunta na po kayo sa lakad niyo. I'll be fine here."

I pouted, feeling like I was getting brushed off, though I knew she wasn't doing it to hurt me. "Pero... you're going to be alone, anak. Hindi ba lonely 'yun?"

"Okay lang po," she said, her voice still soft and distant. "Matutulog lang naman po ako. Hindi ko mararamdaman ang loneliness."

I sighed, frustrated but trying not to show it. Ely was slipping further into herself, and I couldn't seem to reach her. I continued trying to convince her to come with me, but in the end, she won. With a gentle but firm tone, she insisted that I go out and have fun, even saying that I deserved it.

She doesn't want to be with me, a voice inside me whispered. Does she find me annoying now? Sawa na ba siya sa akin? I tried not to let the disappointment show on my face, but it lingered in my heart. I didn't want to feel this way—I wanted to be understanding. Ely had been through a lot, but it still hurt when she pushed me away, no matter how gently.

"Okay, anak," I finally said, standing up and brushing a hand through her hair. "But if you need anything, anything at all, call me, okay? I'll come home right away."

Ely nodded, giving me another small, half-hearted smile. "Yes po, Ms. Don't worry about me."

I bent down to kiss her forehead, lingering for a moment. I wished there was more I could do to bring her back to herself, to see the light in her eyes again. "I love you, Ely."