The App: App-ocalypse (1)

Night 2 - Being fine

I can't sleep. I just can't.

Everytime I close my eyes, I hear the gunshots and the riot, I see the blood and the Sleepers. I can't think of anything positive. Even thinking about Mark is just another way of imagining some terrible things like his corpse. I'm disgusted. I'm disguting to think about things like that.

What about Cassandra? She was fine when we spoke but that was hours ago. Was she part of a riot? Was she killed? Was she a killer?

I can't decide which one of the above is the worst. Maybe she's just lost like me. Like my parents. During the day I came to the strong idea that my parents were fine and alive. I mean I didn't feel them dying, therefore they're ok. I've read a lot about feelings and foreseeing things. And honestly, I don't know they're dead. Imagining them dead feels wrong.

Unlike Mark or Cassandra. Except it doesn't mean anything for them, right? I can't possibly have the same connection with them. They're not my family, even Cassandra. I'm sure of that. Somehow. My parents are fine and alive. Somewhere. Lost just as I am but fine.

And of course they know I'm alive. Because I'm their daughter. Yes, I know she's just my stepmom. But she has basically been around for more than half of my life, so yeah, she is family. That's how I know she's fine. She can't be dead, or injured. I'd known that.

Right?

My god, I must be delusional somehow. I hoped it would at least help me fall asleep. It's not. There's not a noise outside and I've never been so afraid of the dark and the silence. I'm writing thanks to the light of the moon. And the battery of my iPod died hours ago. To be honest, I don't even know the time. It may be 2 am or 5 am. How the fuck should I known?

I do know that I really should be sleeping but I had to write that down. To make it real. Now they're alive. Now I can try to sleep.