The App: App-ocalypse (1)

Day 40 - Staying in a motel

We stopped again last night. I can't stand it. I just want them to drive all day long, all night long. I know this is too much to ask. Of course this isn't possible with only three official drivers. Let's say four, because Anton does know how to drive. Sort of. He clearly doesn't have any license. Who cares about license except me?

I must be the only one trying to respect the rules of our society. I don't want to start breaking them and steal, because then it will mean we're all really definitely screwed. Which I know we are. Except I don't want to accept it. I already broke some of those rules, as Xia said to me yesterday. I don't want to break any more of them. I don't know. I guess I shouldn't think like that anymore.

We stopped on a little motel at something like 2 or 3 am. It was dark for a while. There was no moon in the sky. Georges was tired to drive and so was Edmund. He was grateful to see Georges stopped. We can't speak from one car to another because we obviously don't want to use walkies-talkies and compromised our trip to get Michael back. I regularly try all channels, desperately hoping to catch some information about the military guys but I guess they are doing the same thing we're doing.

They must know we're after them. They have one of us. Then again, we also killed one of them, they must be pissed off. Xia doesn't seem trouble or anything. She just killed a guy less than a week ago and she acts as if it was a regular day. I mean as regular as it could be in a App-ocalypse.

Even if he was tired to drive, Edmund couldn't sleep when we stopped last night so he stayed with Anton and I in the lobby of the motel yesterday. We talked for an hour or so about TV shows we watched. That was a fun time until we realized we would never know the end of those stories we loved. Fuck you, App-ocalypse!

Edmund and Anton are cool to hang with now that everything is clear with Anton. I still don't get how Edmund can be with a girl like Xia. She's his "best friend" which probably means sex friend. Who goes on a road trip with only his or her opposite sex best friend?

I mean I may be a teenager but I'm not stupid, especially since I know how Xia sees the world. She stole everything she could since I met her, even a life. She apparently has everything she wants. Plus, she's sort of clever when she talks. She's more clever than me anyway.

I really dislike her. So does Anna I think. I heard her saying something very low yesterday. I didn't get the words but she was clearly fed up with Xia. I laughed. I guess I'm still in love. I'm trying really hard to forbid myself to think about Anna – but I can't help it: I dreamt of her last night. Old habits...

It was a really great dream. We were in the hospital and she woke up on her bed. I was by her side and she was kissing me because I was there for her. She was grateful. She was great. Actually, we were  really great, the both of us, lying on this hospital bed and kissing each other. Then, I even imagined some things I never even consciously thought about...

Okay. Now I'm sure this diary should really not fall in Georges or Anton's hand because that sentence sounds more wrong that it seemed before I wrote it. I can't talk about this diary to my father either. Why am I even writing?

My parents. I don't think a lot about them anymore. I miss them, sure. I miss Michael more than them. We're more than a family. There is something strong between us. He's more than a little brother to me. What's a little brother today anyway? When I think about it, Georges just lost his little brother in France, and he lost Michael who was sort of a child to him. I really hate family bonds right now. Well I still want to hear news from my parents, and I'm even more upset about Michael not being here in this crappy motel with us. To be honest with myself, I don't know how I'd deal with my parents being here with us.

That would be so uncomfortable.

The sun is already high in the sky and we're still at the motel. Georges is in his room talking in French again. I think he is talking with his brother's girlfriend since he took the radio with him in his room. He speaks more to her than he does to us. He also has a special bond with her. He is grieving, so I guess this is a normal thing to do for him. I hope he'll be okay. It is not easy losing someone.

Anton talked a bit about that yesterday evening. Nothing new really, but it was so sad hearing him talk. I saw some tears in Edmund's eyes. However, Edmund hasn't say anything to us.

He is still in their room, a room he shares with Xia, as if it wasn't enough obvious yet. We broke only a few locks, because they were hard to break. I slept in the same room as Anton and Anna. Georges was on his own room. We're in a typical small highway motel. This is why we talked about TV shows yesterday, because this is a typical TV motel. The one in which the bad guys is hiding and killing his poor victim.

No wonder why I want to leave this place. What are they doing, seriously? I just want to move forward. And I don't think that is too much to ask now that we all slept way too much !