The App: App-ocalypse (1)

Day 30 - Missing

I thought writing about my smartphone would help me get over my addiction. I was so wrong. I mean I couldn't be more wrong. My phone is all I thought about for a day. Gosh do I miss my Candy Crush ! Ok I did thought of other stuff, of course, but I never thought more about it than I did in the last 24 hours or so. It's hard to tell exactly how many hours have passed since I last wrote in my diary. Living in the dark isn't a great way to know the time actually. Who could have guessed it ?

Anyway I really wish my phone could work. I probably shouldn't write that, it's probably the worst idea ever. How is that going to help me get over it?

So here's what I'd do : I'll write about every little things I miss. Like ice cream or my favorite TV shows or basically any cooked food. I miss swimming. I wish I could say I miss school like all those kids from movies and books and all in an apocalyptic situation. It'd probably be easier to say that if Anna wasn't exhausting being bossy all day around Michael.

Yep. This isn't a game to her. She has find a way to kill time and is not willing to let it go at all. After explaining maths to him she decided to do some English and then some Geography. For all we know, the world may be completely different now. A nuclear bomb just exploded here so I guess it's safe to assume there are consequences all over the world. 

Don't get me wrong future me who is reading that - I do love Anna with all my heart. But I have to say that she is going nuts about that "school for Michael" thing. She's like a control freak always asking him questions and I am a bit scared that she'll turn on me soon. And I don't mean that in the good way at all, of course.

If she's going to pretend everything's normal and Michael should go to school then I guess she is still my teacher. And to be clear this is not in any way a sexual fantasy. Not at all. It's more like a nightmare in this case. Even if I'm already living a nightmare so this tends to diminish the thing, I guess.

Other than that everything is still the same in our shelter. Michael is recovering every day a little bit more. He had lunch all by himself for the first time since the explosion. It's really a good thing that he's not blind anymore. It also gives us new perspectives to play new games with him - unless you're Anna, then it only gives new perspectives to teach him math or whatever subject she likes to talk about today.

I miss Georges' jokes. He was so funny. I could use a laughter right now or basically any time soon. We've spent so much time being quiet in the dark and talking about things that really doesn't matter that much. I don't know how to feel anymore. It's like I'm constantly on the edge of freaking out and being crazy - crazier. I may be apathetic for long hours and then I just want to run and cry out and be mean to Anna and Michael. Writing helps me keeping the control of my emotions but I don't know how long I'll keep my nerves down.

I've been telling myself that for quite a few days so I guess any minutes now I'll blow just as much as this effing nuclear bomb. Wow. Worst comparison ever, this is way too soon. I shouldn't be proud of me. I wonder what Anna would think of any of that.

But then again showing her what I write would mean telling her what I feel about her and it is clear that I won't ever be able to do that after what happened the other day. Plus why would I risk losing the pleasure of sleeping next to her? Because right now that's what I'm doing - I even hope she'll hug me during the night. We are hugging Michael a lot so why wouldn't she be hugging me after all?

If she still sees me as her student, I'm like a child she's supposed to protect. So she could do it. And then who knows where it could go ?

Yes. That's a thought I like. I'll stop writing and turn off the light now - I've been using that candle for too long. I have the perfect dream ready to start at the moment I'll close my eyes to sleep so I shouldn't waste any more time.

Goodbye future me, I'll see you soon - probably in a second for you. Turning a page isn't so long to do, right ?