The App: App-ocalypse (1)

Day 32 - (Not) Celebrating

I'm pretty sure today is Cassandra's birthday. I decided today I'll be the one blowing out the candle. It'll be a way to remember her, to be with her. She was my bestfriend after all and I miss her so much. It's the first time since we met that I'm not with her to celebrate her birthday.

We had plans for today. A lot of them, actually. Supposedly, by now, I would have been with Marc. Cassandra would have been with Rob - a classmate that I was constantly teasing her with - or with Kevin - "a dumb-but-handsome guy" according to her - or basically any other guy. She just wanted a guy for her seventeenth birthday. That was the plan.

Both of us with boyfriends... We would have spent the day with them of course. We would have went to the mall and played bowling. How cliché was that! Cassandra was that kind of girl : she wanted to be sort of a living-cliché but still wanted to be as original and unique as possible. That is who we both were, I can't help it and honestly... I loved it.

After bowling, we were supposed to go to the nearest fast-food to buy a meal that we were supposed to regret hours later. The night would have been at her place and we would have spent the night watching horror movies and gossiping about our boyfriends.

That would have been a perfect day. Of course now everything is different and none of that seems even cool to me. I don't want to go to the mall to play bowling. I do hope for a fast-food though. But let's face it the world has changed and so did I. Gossiping about boys isn't my thing anymore I guess and I'm all about my teacher.

Anna is still being very uncool to Michael, teaching him everything she can think of. This is kind of sexy knowing she's a know-it-all. Every time she starts explaining something to him turned me on in a weird way. I do not want her to teach me anything but watching her being brilliant is a turn-on. I didn't realized it sooner but the more I see her do it, the more I'm into her. It's just the way it is. Maybe I do have a weird sexual fantasy after all.

However good-looking she is I'm still afraid of her catching my gaze. Michael did notice that I was watching them yesterday but I pretended to be interest in her explication about how we digest food - that was obviously a lie but they didn't seem to have any doubt about it. Anna even asked Michael to explain it from the start to me to test him. I think I just died of boredom yesterday. And I couldn't look at her while he was talking to me, and then he blew out the candle because we had all finish to eat.

Here's another problem I didn't write down so far - at least I don't remember me putting it into words and I don't have time to verify if I did because.. Candle.

The smell of our haven. I just can't stand it anymore. At first I blamed John's corpse. But then we got rid of it and it continued to smell worse day after day. We're all locked up beside the house in the same room. We sleep in here, we eat in here, we don't take showers and we go to the toilets in a room that is really closed to where we stay.

I can't stand the smell of our haven anymore but I don't have a lot of options. If I leave I'll be exposed to radiations. I prefer to live - even with those conditions.

We discussed this problem with Anna and Michael but we didn't come to any solution. There is nothing we can do to prevent the smell of our food or of our bodies. We just have to live with it. And it's even more frustrating than being locked up. Michael suggested that we go outside again, just like the other day. We are not okay with that.

Of course we are not sick yet. However we still fear that our escapade was a fatal one. We may have a bomb ticking in ourselves right now. So we shouldn't try anything. The bomb exploded less than two weeks ago, it is still way too soon to take the risk of going outside.

Then again, we're no experts. We don't know anything about radiations - except that they probably killed John. One day we will have to flee out of our cave, we all know that. We knew it from the beginning. The problem is we don't know how to decide when we'll do it and when the air will be safe again.

For now we decided to wait. But how long can we survive by ourselves in that small room? I feel so confined in here. I will blow out the candle in a minute and in the dark I'll dream of a bigger place, maybe I'll go to the beach and meet Cassandra there, to wish her a happy birthday and to celebrate this special day.

Which is apparently not that special but just another regular day dying of boredom in our haven.