The App: App-ocalypse (1)

Day 38 - Smelling

Xia & Edmund are not at the rendezvous point. God, this is the worst rendezvous point ever.

I mean, we obviously needed one but why would we pick a city? This is so stupid. The smell is awful. I don't know how to describe it. There are bodies everywhere. We try not to look, we try to ignore them and to be as blind as we can, but let's face it: you can't be blind to a smell. Especially that one.

The more we approached the city the more it smelt bad. Roads are still so unexplainably empty. There are no car or body on them. They're this big desert. We traveled safely and very quickly, and now we're waiting for Xia & Edmund. We have absolutely no news – how could we have news? Maybe we won't see them again – who knows?

Maybe the military men caught them. Or maybe they encountered some robbers. We still don't know anything about the situation of our own fucking country after all – maybe they just found a safe haven somewhere and decided to leave us.

A safe haven... A place where you don't have to smell those corpses. And I'm still wearing my helmet so it's probably attenuating the horrible odor. I don't know... I guess.

This is the third time I'm visiting Austin in my life – and this is clearly the worst of my visit. When we arrived in the city, we all fell silent. We weren't that noisy before but at least we were speaking. Now of course the smell was our concern and we discussed it for a while but when we penetrated the city, the App-ocalypse came back to us, right in our face. The pavement are full of bodies. Dead bodies.

This is so awful. Last time we saw corpses on the streets of a city we could still pretend they were sleeping. But now... Bodies have started to decompose. How can we ignore them? Georges was driving. He first understood what the smell was about and as soon as he spotted the first shadows on the ground he told us to look up to the sky or to close our eyes.

He told us that... It was aiming at me, to be honest. I'm still the child here. What happened yesterday with Anna is still vivid to every one of us. I kissed her. In front of them. What was I thinking ?

Now I'm just the childish girl with lesbian romantic dreams. They didn't say anything of course, but I saw their looks. I know them, they're my family. And I think they are judging me – well, they have pity for me at least.

I don't want their pity. I feel good. I'm in a good place with myself – which is the only good thing I can say about this whole situation. I mean, of course I'm still in love with Anna but at least we don't have this weird feeling going on. I know she doesn't love me. I can start seeing her as.... just a friend. I know there is no sign whatsoever ongoing. Okay I have to admit it is still weird. I can't - I won't - lie to me anymore. But at least it's not as weird as it was before. We're close friends – not lovers. I'm clear about it. We're both clear about it.

That's how I feel but this is apparently not what they think I feel. When we arrived Anton looked for an excuse to leave the car with me. The idea was to protect me from Anna's presence, as if she was dangerous to me. We have enough to fear in this brand new world I don't want to start a segregation between us. I may be attracted to her but I know I can deal with it and I hope they will soon understand it.

Anyway. Xia and Edmund are not here and I wish we could leave this city. I mean we don't know what happened to them, but we do know Michael needs us. Plus, I'm sick of being their child. At least, when Michael was here I wasn't.

Gosh, what did I wrote there? I feel kind of selfish now. I do miss Michael. Is that what growing up feels like? Being sick of its own selfishness?

Anyway, I'm not that selfish since we had an argument a few moments ago. Anton and Georges want to wait for them and I don't. Anna was with me on this one since she doesn't even know who Xia and Edmund are. They're not part of our family.

Except it feels like Anton & Georges are seeing them as part of our group now, which makes sense I think.I mean they basically live with them in a haven similar to ours. I know how close you can get under those conditions.

Except I just want to leave this place as fast as I can, to leave the smell behind me, and the bodies, and everything. Well, I just want to know Michael is okay. We can't lose any more time if we want to find him. Who knows what they'll be doing once in New-York?

We finally decided after a few minutes we will wait for Xia and Edmund until dawn. First ray of sun. No less, no more. Then we'll be leaving, no matter what. Anton will be guarding us tonight - he slept in the car. Anna, Georges and I are in an empty classroom inside one of the building of the University. Even if the room is empty, it still smells really really bad. I don't how if I can fall asleep here.

They did. So it is possible. I should try to sleep for now, I want to be ready for what's coming next. We won't find Michael if we're all a bunch of tired and harmed people, right?