Adopted by Tyler Joseph, Jenna Joseph and Josh Dun

Chapter 12

I explain everything. About how I'm scared Jenna won't like me. The fans won't like me. Ally. My old parents. Being adopted. Scared of my own image. Scared I'll die of uncertainty. Fear might literally be the death of me. It leads to anxiety.

And how I felt like a coward. I was going to end my life. I was too weak. I am too weak. After I tell them, everything starts to spin. My heart beats. Hot tears fall against my cheecks and I can't breathe. Anxiety.

I clutch a pillow against my chest and curl into a ball. I can't think or breathe. Everything is spinning and the tears won't stop. They never do. I shouldn't have told them. I should just shut my mouth.

Tyler picks me up and wraps me in a blanket. "Shhh baby girl. It's okay." he's trying to calm me down, but this time it's not working. Why am I always crying? Ugh.

He sets me back down on the bed and Josh walks over with a glass of water. He offers it but I shake my head. I can't breathe, let alone drink something.

I curl into a ball again and Tyler sits next to me. "Is it okay if I do something?" he asks. I nod. He helps me sit up and rubs my back a little. When I'm calm enough, he gives me the water and I take a small sip. "Okay, lay on your back. My mom used to do this when I had panic attacks." I lay on my back and he lays next to me. He takes my hand and places it on his stomach, and he places his on mine. "Follow my breathes." he takes a deep long breath and I try to mimic it.

After 20 minutes I start to calm down. "Come here" he gestures me to stand up. Josh wraps a blanket around my shoulders. Tyler walk me up stairs, helping me up the stairs.

I follow him to the living room and he sits down at the piano bench. Josh pulls up a chair to the piano and gestures me to sit in it. He starts to play a melody; truce. The words flow from his mouth, like a river and he looks at me in the eyes when he sings "stay alive."