Camila's calmness didn't last long. Because Lauren became someone she doesn't know again, worse even. She can feel that slowly she's getting out from her grasp and it's terrifying. Their conversation before they go to bed is shorter than ever, their morning routines doesn't seem to be as enjoying as they were. She hangs out less and less with them because she said and as Camila quote "We'll just fight what's the sense of it?", she is trying not be affected by it so much but it's becoming harder for her day by day. Every morning she wakes up and a hurtful realization will hit her that nothing is the same between them anymore. Even doubt her competition with other girls but never in their entire relationship Camila doubted Lauren's love for her. With everything that is going on now it's hard not to.
She know that the girls and everyone who knew them knows about it, they noticed the drastic change in their relationship but afraid to open the subject. Camila isn't oblivious that their best friends are affected by it. She knows how disappointed they are at Lauren and that's enough reason for her not to tell them eveyrthing. This is one of the things Camila feared before, that of something goes wrong not just only hers and Lauren's relationship would sink down but also the frienship that is so precious for all of them.
She is trying not to let anyone see how much this hurts her and effect it had on her. She doesn't let a single tear fall down her eyes when she around them, she doesn't want to play the 'victim' and make them hate Lauren, never in a million years Camila want that.
And just like what she has been doing lately, she's in her secret safe place. The abandoned park she stumble upon when Lauren didn't show up on their annivesary date. Sitting alone on the bench, crying silently her shoulders shaking.
She was too absorbed with her crying that Camila didn't noticed when a young man put a hot chocolate with a dust of cinammon on it was placed beside her. She felt the warmness its radiating and turned her head towards it a frown visible on her face. Everytime she is here she can feel as if someone is watching her but she would wander around and it would turn out she's all alone. She picked up the sticky note attached on it and there's an unfamiliar handwritting.
"A beautiful girl like you shouldn't cry. Smile, there are thousands of reasons to do so :)"
It only adds up with her confusion and down it says.
"P.S don't worry. I am harmless you can drink it"
She sniffed it and was shocked to find out it smells just like her ussual hot chocolate. Could it be coincidence? Before she could stop herself she took a sip and closed her eyes to the soothing feeling it brought her. That is why she likes this the first place it brings her back to a certain memory, in a certain place, with a certain person.
An hour or so passed and she's still sitting there and took the last sip of her drink. She glanced up at the night sky filled with stars then to her watch, she's been here for hours. When she's here it feels like time goes by fast. She stood up putting the note inside her pocket. She looked around but saw no one. Before she goes as if someone would hear her, hoping that someone will, and say.
"Thank you" loud enough to be heard.
And she started to walk towards her home, to the neighborhood that used to bring her happiness and makes her feel safe that now is too far from any of them. It only brings back the painful reality.
*****
She opened the door and saw the pair of familiar green eyes that used to take her breath away looking straight at her own brown eyes. And the effect she had on her is still too strong, and she hope that Lauren can still it too. She is still holding on to something, because she can't let go, not yet, not ever.
"Mija where have you been?" Her mom said worriedly breaking her and Lauren's staring trance.
Silence.
She can't manage to let out a word, suddenly she is incoherent to form a sentence. She opened her mouth and closes it again.
"Can we talk?" Lauren asked directly at her.
She's scared, a lot of scary possibilty races through her mind. But she nodded anyway, looking at her mom who nod softly at her she motioned for Lauren to follow her upstairs and the older girl does.
With a shaking hand Camila twisted the knob to open the door. If before it excites her when Lauren would come to her room to spend time with her now it brings nothing but axiety to her.
She sat on the edge of her bed, Lauren on a small chair facing her. The green eyed girl is not speaking and Camila is so scared to whatever she will say to end them.
"I want you to know that if you will break up with me I won't let you" she said hurriedly and suddenly felt out of breath.
"I... I won't let that happen Lauren. Never" she said and tears once again filled her eyes.
"Camila what are you talking about?" Lauren asked staring at her with utter confusion.
"Are we okay?" She asked back.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Lauren said.
"Just answer the question. Are we okay?" She said all the words with edge.
"You are being ridiculous." Lauren huffed also losing a bit of her temper.
"Ridiculous? I am ridiculous for asking if we are okay? Because honestly Lauren your actions says the other thing" she said her voice raising a little being irritated by her innocent act.
"Here we go again Camila. You assuming things that causes us to have all of these pointless arguments"
"I am not assuming things Lauren. Because you are becoming someone I don't know. I can see it, everyone does"
"Is this about you being not good enough again?"
"Because that's how you're making me feel with your past actions" she whispered hurt filled her voice.
"This is why I don't want to talk to you"
"You barely spend time with us...with me. All of your actions changed, change that I think is not the good one. As if you are someone else"
"Camila I have a life outside our relationship too! I have other friends and I do other things than to baby you!" Lauren shouted the hurt in Camila's eyes after she said the last part would make her regret it but she's furious at this point.
"So we're not really enough. And I'm sorry for being such a baby for loving you so much that I want to spend time with you. I'm sorry that you have a girlfriend like me that makes it hard for you to do your priorities!" Camila shouted back her chest raising heavily.
"You don't get it. Camila my life doesn't just revolve around you and the girls. I think you should learn to accept that and do it too"
"I don't think I need that. Because you guys are enough. You are enough. And I'm sorry I seem to only know that" her tears rolling down her face as she sobbed on her palms.
They are engulfed in silence and the pain in Camila's chest only grew more unbearable. She is waiting for her to take her into her arms and rock her back and forth, telling her how much she love her into her ears until she stops. But none of that happened, she didn't do it like before. Instead she heard footsteps getting away from her.
"We should rest for now and take a break" her mind is too clouded to realize it soon.
But her throat goes dry, her chest feels like it's loaded with a ton of rocks. If it's not for her bed she might feel down on the floor any moment. Her face went pale as she finally got Lauren's simple way of.
"We should break up".
